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34 year old son is killing my soul
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<blockquote data-quote="beebz" data-source="post: 743532" data-attributes="member: 23451"><p>Hi - Thank you so much for the reply. Every word you type is so true, and we, or I know this - yet the pain is so hard to bury. </p><p>With my son it is repeat repeat repeat repeat - I feel like my life has become ground-hog day. He has worn out every chance and open door from at least a dozen people, sofas, campers etc. I don't have a clue where he sleeps. I thought he had shelter in the form of an SUV but my husband read in the paper that he was driving without an operators license and the rumor is; his vehicle got impounded. I cannot know for sure and I refuse to go to the town he is homeless in.</p><p>To make me feel guilty, last time we texted he said something to the effect of being raped (he and/or his wife) last time they were homeless freezing to death in a small city in Ohio trying not to freeze to death in an abandoned home.</p><p></p><p>When I'm in a certain mood I remember all the horror of the last 20 years; him throwing my husband nearly 15 feet across a room - blackening my eye - beating every inch of my physical body and leaving me with eye damage - totaling more cars than I can remember - TOTALING a car with his bare hands and a golf club (his brothers) in some kind of drugged/drunken/psycho state of mind. Every day I remember something else. 20 years is a long dang time, and I remember something else violent and sick and think, eff that ! ! ! ! capitol F him and her ! ! ! ! ! ! </p><p>Then you remember that baby boy, your first born, that you loved so much - maybe too much - I made a lot of mistakes.... it seems.</p><p></p><p>I did tell him that if he and his wife put as much EFFORT and TIME into getting sober happy and healthy, including employed and a home for their family as they do to get high, that they'd probably be super super successful and wealthy. They can fight and lie like nobodies business to get high and lie, but imagine if that much effort went in the other direction - hell - he could be a brain surgeon ! </p><p></p><p>I haven't accomplished much. I'm sitting here with my pup and I visited my mom and dad 3 times already today and vented and also told them "I don't know how you did it, I really don't" - they lost their son, their daughter, their daughters son - all to the druggie life. - goes without saying, my brother, sister and nephew. </p><p></p><p>The stories and lies that come with this are absolutely insane. My son and his wife have filled my head with so much junk that I can't figure out whats what. I fell for it every single time. dang-it - now I'm mad.</p><p></p><p>The stories are so sick and long (blaming others) that I would need a week to type them here. Every time was a lie and/or excuse why this or that happened and I can't believe how extravagant, extreme, sick, twisted and far fetched they are to "blame" anyone and everyone but himself. </p><p></p><p>The worst part is his heart. He has such a large heart for his girls, animals and the underdog so to speak when he is sober - ugh </p><p></p><p>again - thank you for listening - </p><p>beebz (on a rant ) - my head is spinning - I should fire up the vacuum and do something constructive.....</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="beebz, post: 743532, member: 23451"] Hi - Thank you so much for the reply. Every word you type is so true, and we, or I know this - yet the pain is so hard to bury. With my son it is repeat repeat repeat repeat - I feel like my life has become ground-hog day. He has worn out every chance and open door from at least a dozen people, sofas, campers etc. I don't have a clue where he sleeps. I thought he had shelter in the form of an SUV but my husband read in the paper that he was driving without an operators license and the rumor is; his vehicle got impounded. I cannot know for sure and I refuse to go to the town he is homeless in. To make me feel guilty, last time we texted he said something to the effect of being raped (he and/or his wife) last time they were homeless freezing to death in a small city in Ohio trying not to freeze to death in an abandoned home. When I'm in a certain mood I remember all the horror of the last 20 years; him throwing my husband nearly 15 feet across a room - blackening my eye - beating every inch of my physical body and leaving me with eye damage - totaling more cars than I can remember - TOTALING a car with his bare hands and a golf club (his brothers) in some kind of drugged/drunken/psycho state of mind. Every day I remember something else. 20 years is a long dang time, and I remember something else violent and sick and think, eff that ! ! ! ! capitol F him and her ! ! ! ! ! ! Then you remember that baby boy, your first born, that you loved so much - maybe too much - I made a lot of mistakes.... it seems. I did tell him that if he and his wife put as much EFFORT and TIME into getting sober happy and healthy, including employed and a home for their family as they do to get high, that they'd probably be super super successful and wealthy. They can fight and lie like nobodies business to get high and lie, but imagine if that much effort went in the other direction - hell - he could be a brain surgeon ! I haven't accomplished much. I'm sitting here with my pup and I visited my mom and dad 3 times already today and vented and also told them "I don't know how you did it, I really don't" - they lost their son, their daughter, their daughters son - all to the druggie life. - goes without saying, my brother, sister and nephew. The stories and lies that come with this are absolutely insane. My son and his wife have filled my head with so much junk that I can't figure out whats what. I fell for it every single time. dang-it - now I'm mad. The stories are so sick and long (blaming others) that I would need a week to type them here. Every time was a lie and/or excuse why this or that happened and I can't believe how extravagant, extreme, sick, twisted and far fetched they are to "blame" anyone and everyone but himself. The worst part is his heart. He has such a large heart for his girls, animals and the underdog so to speak when he is sober - ugh again - thank you for listening - beebz (on a rant ) - my head is spinning - I should fire up the vacuum and do something constructive..... [/QUOTE]
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