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34 year old son is killing my soul
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<blockquote data-quote="beebz" data-source="post: 748466" data-attributes="member: 23451"><p>Ugly crying - sobbing so loud and so long on the long drive home from dropping him off yet again. Apparently this is so hard for me to bear; along with the fact that I've been living this same old record and beating this same old horse since I was 5-10; that I can't remember much from one day to the next. I am under a Dr's care for my mental health and have also had a few visits to the hospital lately from the flu "A".</p><p></p><p>I don't remember the last time I seen him. I could read my own post and figure that out but, I can't, I just can't/won't. I stopped in a mutual place recently and said "tell M I said I miss him and hello" - a week later he called from the mutual place. We talked, I let him visit his kids; I let him stay too long. 6 days. I was going to "help" this time, help him get back on his feet from pre-K (sarcasm) as the boy doesn't even have a birth certificate, pair of underwear, ...zip...zero... I believed the tall tales. The only one that was true was that his wife seems to be in a permanent state of psychosis from meth? Kratom? no clue really. I know this for a fact because I've seen her a dozen times, and the hospital called me to come get her, which I didn't.</p><p></p><p>I was going to help from the rock bottom but it took me a week to realize I fell for it again; and dropped him off a few hours ago.</p><p></p><p>The pain dangit, the pain. Thats my baby, thats my boy, thats my son, that is a human. What would Jesus do. I cried out Dear God please don't take him on the way home. I'm walking around in a fog crying enough tears to dehydrate myself ! He knows I love him to pieces. He tried to stay in the car. He wanted to play my heart strings again. He knows a mothers love. But, I let him take 6 bucks that was on the dash and said "get out". </p><p></p><p>I want the pain to go away !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p><p></p><p>I want my son back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="beebz, post: 748466, member: 23451"] Ugly crying - sobbing so loud and so long on the long drive home from dropping him off yet again. Apparently this is so hard for me to bear; along with the fact that I've been living this same old record and beating this same old horse since I was 5-10; that I can't remember much from one day to the next. I am under a Dr's care for my mental health and have also had a few visits to the hospital lately from the flu "A". I don't remember the last time I seen him. I could read my own post and figure that out but, I can't, I just can't/won't. I stopped in a mutual place recently and said "tell M I said I miss him and hello" - a week later he called from the mutual place. We talked, I let him visit his kids; I let him stay too long. 6 days. I was going to "help" this time, help him get back on his feet from pre-K (sarcasm) as the boy doesn't even have a birth certificate, pair of underwear, ...zip...zero... I believed the tall tales. The only one that was true was that his wife seems to be in a permanent state of psychosis from meth? Kratom? no clue really. I know this for a fact because I've seen her a dozen times, and the hospital called me to come get her, which I didn't. I was going to help from the rock bottom but it took me a week to realize I fell for it again; and dropped him off a few hours ago. The pain dangit, the pain. Thats my baby, thats my boy, thats my son, that is a human. What would Jesus do. I cried out Dear God please don't take him on the way home. I'm walking around in a fog crying enough tears to dehydrate myself ! He knows I love him to pieces. He tried to stay in the car. He wanted to play my heart strings again. He knows a mothers love. But, I let him take 6 bucks that was on the dash and said "get out". I want the pain to go away !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I want my son back !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! [/QUOTE]
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34 year old son is killing my soul
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