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34 year old son is killing my soul
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 754181" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>I am sorry for your hurt and angst but you soooo did the right thing in my opinion! I am sorry, but your grands need to stop seeing him come and go and not get better. Why let him play around with their heads? Why do you think they miss him and Mom? If they have never been there for them,except maybe in chaos, they likely don't miss them. They need stability. Why bring children into his crazy world? Why stay in it yourself?</p><p></p><p>Drug addiction is a controllable illness. A friend of ours is a heroin addict who has been clean for three decades. Your son is making his own misery. He is no young kid. He needs to get his act together or maybe not see any of you until he does. I don't think the girls should see their addicted father unless he is clean for a long time. He is not really a father in any real sense. Is it you who wants him in their lives? If so, is it because he guilts you? Don't listen to him. Please. Addicts manipulate everyone.</p><p></p><p>I am sad and sorry that you are hurting. I read many times that nobody outside of us can make us happy. Only we can do that. We need to put ourselves first. Honestly, I thought that this was a very selfish way to think. Put me first? Never!</p><p></p><p>But when I got to your point of despair, and I did, I finally decided to try putting me first and accepting the hard but true fact that I have no power to fix anybody but me.</p><p></p><p>My husband and I joined Al Anon AND Nar Anon. We also found a good therapist and both go. We have learned coping skills. Is it not time to seek outside help and support for YOU? It's your time now. You deserve it.</p><p></p><p>By the way, by sticking up for your needs over a manipulative son who refuses to improve his life, you did win. You had better believe you won. It was a big victory. I hand you a trophy! And a blue ribbon. </p><p></p><p>Sending prayers and hugs.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 754181, member: 23706"] I am sorry for your hurt and angst but you soooo did the right thing in my opinion! I am sorry, but your grands need to stop seeing him come and go and not get better. Why let him play around with their heads? Why do you think they miss him and Mom? If they have never been there for them,except maybe in chaos, they likely don't miss them. They need stability. Why bring children into his crazy world? Why stay in it yourself? Drug addiction is a controllable illness. A friend of ours is a heroin addict who has been clean for three decades. Your son is making his own misery. He is no young kid. He needs to get his act together or maybe not see any of you until he does. I don't think the girls should see their addicted father unless he is clean for a long time. He is not really a father in any real sense. Is it you who wants him in their lives? If so, is it because he guilts you? Don't listen to him. Please. Addicts manipulate everyone. I am sad and sorry that you are hurting. I read many times that nobody outside of us can make us happy. Only we can do that. We need to put ourselves first. Honestly, I thought that this was a very selfish way to think. Put me first? Never! But when I got to your point of despair, and I did, I finally decided to try putting me first and accepting the hard but true fact that I have no power to fix anybody but me. My husband and I joined Al Anon AND Nar Anon. We also found a good therapist and both go. We have learned coping skills. Is it not time to seek outside help and support for YOU? It's your time now. You deserve it. By the way, by sticking up for your needs over a manipulative son who refuses to improve his life, you did win. You had better believe you won. It was a big victory. I hand you a trophy! And a blue ribbon. Sending prayers and hugs. [/QUOTE]
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34 year old son is killing my soul
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