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Parent Emeritus
34yo Difficult Child back in area, same ol, same ol
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<blockquote data-quote="Acacia" data-source="post: 676199" data-attributes="member: 19832"><p>Dear Seeking,</p><p></p><p>There is so much validation, support, and compassion to be found in this forum for those of us who are hurting. I can totally relate to having a difficult child who has been difficult since puberty and who continues to try to intimidate, manipulate, etc. My son is 30 and is currently incarcerated, but will be released this spring. I have worked hard at detaching because the help I have given has, for the most part, been misused or enabled my son to keep on the same dysfunctional path. It has been both a relief and a heartbreak to step back. It is wonderful not to have to deal constantly with the FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt) but it is also not in my nature as a mother not to help, so that hurts. I am very apprehensive about his release. He called to ask if he can live with my husband and me, and I had to say no for so many reasons, but I am sure he will try to pressure us in other ways. To me you are behaving in ways that are healthy, responsible, and understandable. It never feels good have someone try to undermine other's faith is us. It is perfectly understandable to not want to have contact with someone who is mean even if that person is our child. I have come to value kindness more than anything else in the world, and I am learning to value myself enough to not participate in any relationships who do not value it as much. ( By the way I am a 62 year old high school teacher).</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Acacia, post: 676199, member: 19832"] Dear Seeking, There is so much validation, support, and compassion to be found in this forum for those of us who are hurting. I can totally relate to having a difficult child who has been difficult since puberty and who continues to try to intimidate, manipulate, etc. My son is 30 and is currently incarcerated, but will be released this spring. I have worked hard at detaching because the help I have given has, for the most part, been misused or enabled my son to keep on the same dysfunctional path. It has been both a relief and a heartbreak to step back. It is wonderful not to have to deal constantly with the FOG (fear, obligation, and guilt) but it is also not in my nature as a mother not to help, so that hurts. I am very apprehensive about his release. He called to ask if he can live with my husband and me, and I had to say no for so many reasons, but I am sure he will try to pressure us in other ways. To me you are behaving in ways that are healthy, responsible, and understandable. It never feels good have someone try to undermine other's faith is us. It is perfectly understandable to not want to have contact with someone who is mean even if that person is our child. I have come to value kindness more than anything else in the world, and I am learning to value myself enough to not participate in any relationships who do not value it as much. ( By the way I am a 62 year old high school teacher). [/QUOTE]
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34yo Difficult Child back in area, same ol, same ol
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