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Parent Emeritus
39 year old homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="JayPee" data-source="post: 752298" data-attributes="member: 23405"><p>Terry I don’t recall if you see a therapist or not but it has taken me a couple of years to get strong. I go to therapy, read books to get informed about myself and how I contribute to enabling. I go to Al anon and really practice the program. I go to church, pray, read scripture. Until I came to this forum only a few months ago and whether or not it was just just right timing combined with everything else I had been told and learned, I was just like you but started to get stronger.</p><p></p><p>The pain was excruciating and I thought about my two homeless sons constantly. My every focus even when at work was about them and I paid for everything until the control I gave them over me was sucking the life out of me.</p><p></p><p>I didn’t want them to not love me or feel I abandoned them. Their approval of me was so important.</p><p></p><p>It’s going to take effort on your part to stop putting the focus on your son. For me detaching with love helped. I couldn’t be involved in their day to day crisis because it kept me too emotionally entangled and hurting. I got stronger every day by doing that and kind of escaped the web I was trapped in. I don’t have this down pat but I’m glad I put hard work into me and am making progress.</p><p></p><p>I learned that even if I’m afraid I can still do this afraid. Just because your feelings are gripping at you doesn’t mean you can’t set boundaries so you can get stronger. You can do this.</p><p></p><p>If I may say, your lack of sleep is likely even making you more emotional. Your raw and hurting. You must take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. If you wait for others to do it it may not happen.</p><p></p><p>Take a nap</p><p>Take a walk</p><p>Read</p><p>Pray</p><p>Exercise</p><p>Listen to a happy song</p><p>Visit with a friend or close sister</p><p></p><p>Treat yourself with the same love and compassion you are so inclined to give your adult son.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="JayPee, post: 752298, member: 23405"] Terry I don’t recall if you see a therapist or not but it has taken me a couple of years to get strong. I go to therapy, read books to get informed about myself and how I contribute to enabling. I go to Al anon and really practice the program. I go to church, pray, read scripture. Until I came to this forum only a few months ago and whether or not it was just just right timing combined with everything else I had been told and learned, I was just like you but started to get stronger. The pain was excruciating and I thought about my two homeless sons constantly. My every focus even when at work was about them and I paid for everything until the control I gave them over me was sucking the life out of me. I didn’t want them to not love me or feel I abandoned them. Their approval of me was so important. It’s going to take effort on your part to stop putting the focus on your son. For me detaching with love helped. I couldn’t be involved in their day to day crisis because it kept me too emotionally entangled and hurting. I got stronger every day by doing that and kind of escaped the web I was trapped in. I don’t have this down pat but I’m glad I put hard work into me and am making progress. I learned that even if I’m afraid I can still do this afraid. Just because your feelings are gripping at you doesn’t mean you can’t set boundaries so you can get stronger. You can do this. If I may say, your lack of sleep is likely even making you more emotional. Your raw and hurting. You must take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. If you wait for others to do it it may not happen. Take a nap Take a walk Read Pray Exercise Listen to a happy song Visit with a friend or close sister Treat yourself with the same love and compassion you are so inclined to give your adult son. [/QUOTE]
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39 year old homeless son
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