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Parent Emeritus
39 year old homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember1" data-source="post: 752301" data-attributes="member: 23706"><p>I am sorry about this. It is hard. Very hard.</p><p></p><p>Sadly, you can't make your son build on your help to become productive. Trust me, nobody tried like we did with our daughter. These adult kids know what to do to get out of their rut. They just won't do it. All of us here have adult kids who won't function in society. Most are on drugs which is a big cause of this behavior. The homeless population is full of addicted adults. Sometimes the family knows of the addiction. Sometimes we don't.</p><p></p><p>At almost 40 your son is aware that he needs to get clean and work. He KNOWS this. But he isn't willing to do it and paying to make him comfortable, as we did, unfortunately will not motivate him to join society in a fruitful way. It will just encourage him to keep things as is and count on you to rescue him.</p><p></p><p>We lost the lion's share of our retirement this way. We finally accepted that our daughter could avoid becoming homeless without our monetary help; that she is not a victim but the reason why she is in bad shape. We made a hard decision to let it be if she would not help herself. We stopped paying to rescue her. We have to save the money that we still have. You do too, especially with your grands.</p><p></p><p>It broke my heart, but I am finally seeing Kay as she is...stubborn, often unpleasant and unwilling to do anything to help herself. The bank of Dad and Mom shut down. They have to want to get better as much as we want them to or it won't work. So now, she has to do it. And she has a child that we are too old to raise. If she and her husband get evicted, my younger daughter will give our grandson a home, but nobody will invite my oldest daughter in. It is her fault. We all tried.</p><p></p><p>I highly recommend therapy for yourself so that you can learn how to cope with a struggling adult child in the background. I also love Al Anon. You learn to accept what is. That's important.</p><p></p><p>If you have God in your life, lean on Him. Give your son to Him and pray. I beg you not to do what we did. It did not help our daughter and our golden years are going to be spent doing a lot less than we had planned.</p><p></p><p>Please be well.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember1, post: 752301, member: 23706"] I am sorry about this. It is hard. Very hard. Sadly, you can't make your son build on your help to become productive. Trust me, nobody tried like we did with our daughter. These adult kids know what to do to get out of their rut. They just won't do it. All of us here have adult kids who won't function in society. Most are on drugs which is a big cause of this behavior. The homeless population is full of addicted adults. Sometimes the family knows of the addiction. Sometimes we don't. At almost 40 your son is aware that he needs to get clean and work. He KNOWS this. But he isn't willing to do it and paying to make him comfortable, as we did, unfortunately will not motivate him to join society in a fruitful way. It will just encourage him to keep things as is and count on you to rescue him. We lost the lion's share of our retirement this way. We finally accepted that our daughter could avoid becoming homeless without our monetary help; that she is not a victim but the reason why she is in bad shape. We made a hard decision to let it be if she would not help herself. We stopped paying to rescue her. We have to save the money that we still have. You do too, especially with your grands. It broke my heart, but I am finally seeing Kay as she is...stubborn, often unpleasant and unwilling to do anything to help herself. The bank of Dad and Mom shut down. They have to want to get better as much as we want them to or it won't work. So now, she has to do it. And she has a child that we are too old to raise. If she and her husband get evicted, my younger daughter will give our grandson a home, but nobody will invite my oldest daughter in. It is her fault. We all tried. I highly recommend therapy for yourself so that you can learn how to cope with a struggling adult child in the background. I also love Al Anon. You learn to accept what is. That's important. If you have God in your life, lean on Him. Give your son to Him and pray. I beg you not to do what we did. It did not help our daughter and our golden years are going to be spent doing a lot less than we had planned. Please be well. [/QUOTE]
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39 year old homeless son
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