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4 months down the drain
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<blockquote data-quote="susiestar" data-source="post: 460140" data-attributes="member: 1233"><p>You will get through this. Remember, NOTHING lasts forever. Sometimes that thought was all that got me through the day.</p><p></p><p>As for next time, maybe they should rent a home or extended stay motel next visit, or not visit as long. Just because they are your parents and coming from another country does NOT mean they have to stay with you or rule the roost or upset your kids. It is clearly too hard on the kids if even easy child has problems when they visit. So next time they talk about coming, send them some brochures from various hotels (there are some that are more like apartments with full kitchens, dishes, etc.... and are much cheaper by the week than regular hotels usually) and even see if you can find a group that rents homes for a month at a time if needed. LEt them come and pay for that rather than save some money and stay with you and cause endless problems and upsets with your kids. </p><p></p><p>It is hard to do, but now that you are a parent you have to put your kids first before your parents. We all play a lot of roles, daughter, mom, sis, friend, cousin, etc... It can be HARD to go from putting daughter before mom, but it has to happen. I have had a very strange year because last June I said my role as sister was over because my bro has continued to do the same things for thirty years and promises every few months it is the last time. I have hardly seen my parents and that is hard because my oldest lives with them. But I opened my eyes and saw the damage that my bro did to my kids and I could not continue to allow him to hurt my kids because he wants to have a tantrum. Took until my daughter's birthday this July for my mother to realize that the things I have been saying are true - that the kids have nightmares and panic attacks if they SEE him or if they attempt to use any of the "gifts' he drops on our porch at holidays. Having my child dissolve into a panic attack because he grabbed a shirt my bro gave him out of the drawer is just too much. I had to be the mean one, the grudge holder, the one who is "breaking up the family" and "controlling my parents" in their eyes. They can be as mad as they want, but it won't change. Sometimes it is just time to make it stop.</p><p></p><p>NOT saying to tell your folks not to visit. Just not to stay in your home while they do, and not to send the kids with them to do things. It won't be easy, and maybe visits won't be every year. You can webchat online instead and visit every other year if needed. But you had kids, one iwth special needs, and those need to come first. A LOT of our kids don't do will with visitors staying in the house - it isn't just your son.</p><p></p><p>Give him time to adjust, keep the routine at home as simple as possible, be as consistent as possible with his schedule, and you will get back onto a good footing. I am sorry it is so hard wiht your family when they visit. A written list, possible posted on the wall so they can't forget easily (think shades of SuperNanny - works on adults and kids as far as it works) is an excellent idea.</p><p></p><p>I am sorry it was so hard.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="susiestar, post: 460140, member: 1233"] You will get through this. Remember, NOTHING lasts forever. Sometimes that thought was all that got me through the day. As for next time, maybe they should rent a home or extended stay motel next visit, or not visit as long. Just because they are your parents and coming from another country does NOT mean they have to stay with you or rule the roost or upset your kids. It is clearly too hard on the kids if even easy child has problems when they visit. So next time they talk about coming, send them some brochures from various hotels (there are some that are more like apartments with full kitchens, dishes, etc.... and are much cheaper by the week than regular hotels usually) and even see if you can find a group that rents homes for a month at a time if needed. LEt them come and pay for that rather than save some money and stay with you and cause endless problems and upsets with your kids. It is hard to do, but now that you are a parent you have to put your kids first before your parents. We all play a lot of roles, daughter, mom, sis, friend, cousin, etc... It can be HARD to go from putting daughter before mom, but it has to happen. I have had a very strange year because last June I said my role as sister was over because my bro has continued to do the same things for thirty years and promises every few months it is the last time. I have hardly seen my parents and that is hard because my oldest lives with them. But I opened my eyes and saw the damage that my bro did to my kids and I could not continue to allow him to hurt my kids because he wants to have a tantrum. Took until my daughter's birthday this July for my mother to realize that the things I have been saying are true - that the kids have nightmares and panic attacks if they SEE him or if they attempt to use any of the "gifts' he drops on our porch at holidays. Having my child dissolve into a panic attack because he grabbed a shirt my bro gave him out of the drawer is just too much. I had to be the mean one, the grudge holder, the one who is "breaking up the family" and "controlling my parents" in their eyes. They can be as mad as they want, but it won't change. Sometimes it is just time to make it stop. NOT saying to tell your folks not to visit. Just not to stay in your home while they do, and not to send the kids with them to do things. It won't be easy, and maybe visits won't be every year. You can webchat online instead and visit every other year if needed. But you had kids, one iwth special needs, and those need to come first. A LOT of our kids don't do will with visitors staying in the house - it isn't just your son. Give him time to adjust, keep the routine at home as simple as possible, be as consistent as possible with his schedule, and you will get back onto a good footing. I am sorry it is so hard wiht your family when they visit. A written list, possible posted on the wall so they can't forget easily (think shades of SuperNanny - works on adults and kids as far as it works) is an excellent idea. I am sorry it was so hard. [/QUOTE]
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