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Parent Emeritus
40 year old brother in law refuses to work
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 615888" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>For both brother-in-law and June Bug, please read the article on detachment posted by Recovering Enabler at the very top of this site. This will help you begin to learn how to detach yourselves from the trap being set for you. Much as you think now that you can distance yourselves from the situation once the parents die or the money runs out, you are going to need to learn how to say no and mean it without feeling guilty. It will not be easy, unless you choose not to see these people at all, once the parents are gone.</p><p></p><p>At the bottoms of my posts, there is a link for how to talk to adult kids having financial or other kinds of difficulties. (The McCoy link.) This link will give you kind ways to say what must be said, and the exact words to use to do that. </p><p></p><p>The advice you have received already is good advice. Unless you are willing to try to gain control of your parents' finances to protect them, there is nothing you can do. While I know it is hard for you to see it, you cannot change it. You can, however, learn how to protect yourselves from the demands to take care of all of them ~ your parents included ~ when the money is gone. </p><p></p><p>Mostly, what you need to learn is that it is not only okay, but imperative, that you speak your views loudly and clearly today and every day after that. Let there be no question about what you see or how you feel about what is happening, and that you plan to cut the freeloaders off without another dime, should that power of decision ever come to you.</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 615888, member: 17461"] For both brother-in-law and June Bug, please read the article on detachment posted by Recovering Enabler at the very top of this site. This will help you begin to learn how to detach yourselves from the trap being set for you. Much as you think now that you can distance yourselves from the situation once the parents die or the money runs out, you are going to need to learn how to say no and mean it without feeling guilty. It will not be easy, unless you choose not to see these people at all, once the parents are gone. At the bottoms of my posts, there is a link for how to talk to adult kids having financial or other kinds of difficulties. (The McCoy link.) This link will give you kind ways to say what must be said, and the exact words to use to do that. The advice you have received already is good advice. Unless you are willing to try to gain control of your parents' finances to protect them, there is nothing you can do. While I know it is hard for you to see it, you cannot change it. You can, however, learn how to protect yourselves from the demands to take care of all of them ~ your parents included ~ when the money is gone. Mostly, what you need to learn is that it is not only okay, but imperative, that you speak your views loudly and clearly today and every day after that. Let there be no question about what you see or how you feel about what is happening, and that you plan to cut the freeloaders off without another dime, should that power of decision ever come to you. Cedar [/QUOTE]
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40 year old brother in law refuses to work
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