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43 year old homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 637661" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Marie, I have a 41 year old daughter who has some disorder, I am not sure what since she hasn't been diagnosed, but suffice to say there is something amiss in her thinking. In the last 3 years I have practiced detaching, one step at a time, with a lot of professional assistance........I also raised my granddaughter who is now off in college this year. As I little by little removed myself from my daughters sphere of influence over me, I have observed my life growing and expanding in every possible way. It is astonishing to me how much more money I have, when it's given out in increments ALL THE TIME, it's harder to see the size of the amount. My days are calm and peaceful, I have much more energy since it isn't spent figuring out how to handle each drama that is continuous in the life of our difficult child's. </p><p></p><p>We are in our 60's Marie. It is time to let go. A 43 year old man needs to "man up" and find his own way. When I let go, my daughter began finding her own way. Is it the way I would choose? No. It isn't. But she is floating through her own life on her own terms without my interference nor my continuing assessing where she is on my own scale of success. She has a very different perspective on life and I have had to accept that. </p><p></p><p>As you step back inch by inch, with a lot of support I hope, your life will improve in every possible way. It is not easy. It is a new learning curve for us former enablers, but it gives you your own life back. At some point in time, we are supposed to be separate from our kids, to know where they end and we begin, enabling keeps those lines unclear and in my opinion, it is to everyone's detriment. </p><p></p><p>Stay the course Marie, hang in there. We're here for you. We know the terrain.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 637661, member: 13542"] Marie, I have a 41 year old daughter who has some disorder, I am not sure what since she hasn't been diagnosed, but suffice to say there is something amiss in her thinking. In the last 3 years I have practiced detaching, one step at a time, with a lot of professional assistance........I also raised my granddaughter who is now off in college this year. As I little by little removed myself from my daughters sphere of influence over me, I have observed my life growing and expanding in every possible way. It is astonishing to me how much more money I have, when it's given out in increments ALL THE TIME, it's harder to see the size of the amount. My days are calm and peaceful, I have much more energy since it isn't spent figuring out how to handle each drama that is continuous in the life of our difficult child's. We are in our 60's Marie. It is time to let go. A 43 year old man needs to "man up" and find his own way. When I let go, my daughter began finding her own way. Is it the way I would choose? No. It isn't. But she is floating through her own life on her own terms without my interference nor my continuing assessing where she is on my own scale of success. She has a very different perspective on life and I have had to accept that. As you step back inch by inch, with a lot of support I hope, your life will improve in every possible way. It is not easy. It is a new learning curve for us former enablers, but it gives you your own life back. At some point in time, we are supposed to be separate from our kids, to know where they end and we begin, enabling keeps those lines unclear and in my opinion, it is to everyone's detriment. Stay the course Marie, hang in there. We're here for you. We know the terrain. [/QUOTE]
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