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43 year old homeless son
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 637669" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>Don't be so sure that what people tell you about their grown kids is true. There are a lot of us out there.</p><p></p><p>This has nothing to do with our parenting. They are in their 20's mostly...some are older. By that age, they are making their own decisions.</p><p></p><p>Did any of you ever read "A Child Called It?" the true story of abused child David Pelzer? </p><p></p><p>He never got into trouble, never went to jail, has tried doing good all his life. And he was severely abused...I think the book said it was t he third worst child abuse case ever recorded in the huge state of California. </p><p></p><p>We do less to make our grown children what they are than biology, I'm conviced. Psychiatry is heading in that direction as well. We know that things like bipolar, schizophrenia and autism (which is actually not a mental illness) run in families. So do personality disorders. We can't control the cards they deal with, maybe because when we were very young we picked a crazed boyfriend to have a baby with. And his DNA is in our kid, even if the kid never sees him. Or maybe it is in our own genes. Mine is. My family tree is a horror show. Yet I took a chance and had a baby. </p><p></p><p>Wow.</p><p></p><p>I adopted my other kids.</p><p></p><p>In the adoption world, you learn, by talking to so many adoptive families, that usually their adopted children turn out to be more like their birthparents than the family that raised them. When all people finally meet, I have heard stories of how shockingly alike the children are to their birthparents, even sometimes using the same facial expressions and hand gestures. </p><p></p><p>If they were dealt bad cards, they can still change them if they work hard in therapy and in life. Most of them would rather us do the hard work for them so that they can sit back and do whatever it is they do. I don't believe any of us should be a "mommy" to a man in his mid-late 20's, 30's and 40's. I have been told by professionals, and I also believe in my heart, that this stunts their emotional growth if they are inclined to suffer Peter Pan Syndrome. </p><p></p><p>Marie, you have put in enough time and your son is not different. It is his doing, not yours. You can't change him. Only he can change himself. I'm sorry he pulled the suicide card. Most of our grown kids have done that one, often to manipulate us into handing over money. I've been on this forum for about fifteen years and I don't recall even one difficult child actually committing suicide, at least that we heard of here. If they really mean to do it, why would they tell us?</p><p></p><p>When my son used to threaten that, I hung up (he lives two states away) and called 911 immediately. He stopped using that card. </p><p></p><p>You know what? Many seemingly well adjusted people commit suicide. We can't control when somebody ends his or her life. And we never know who that will be. Usually, though, if they are serious, they don't want to be found out or rescued. </p><p></p><p>You take care of yourself. You earned your Warrior Mom stripes.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 637669, member: 1550"] Don't be so sure that what people tell you about their grown kids is true. There are a lot of us out there. This has nothing to do with our parenting. They are in their 20's mostly...some are older. By that age, they are making their own decisions. Did any of you ever read "A Child Called It?" the true story of abused child David Pelzer? He never got into trouble, never went to jail, has tried doing good all his life. And he was severely abused...I think the book said it was t he third worst child abuse case ever recorded in the huge state of California. We do less to make our grown children what they are than biology, I'm conviced. Psychiatry is heading in that direction as well. We know that things like bipolar, schizophrenia and autism (which is actually not a mental illness) run in families. So do personality disorders. We can't control the cards they deal with, maybe because when we were very young we picked a crazed boyfriend to have a baby with. And his DNA is in our kid, even if the kid never sees him. Or maybe it is in our own genes. Mine is. My family tree is a horror show. Yet I took a chance and had a baby. Wow. I adopted my other kids. In the adoption world, you learn, by talking to so many adoptive families, that usually their adopted children turn out to be more like their birthparents than the family that raised them. When all people finally meet, I have heard stories of how shockingly alike the children are to their birthparents, even sometimes using the same facial expressions and hand gestures. If they were dealt bad cards, they can still change them if they work hard in therapy and in life. Most of them would rather us do the hard work for them so that they can sit back and do whatever it is they do. I don't believe any of us should be a "mommy" to a man in his mid-late 20's, 30's and 40's. I have been told by professionals, and I also believe in my heart, that this stunts their emotional growth if they are inclined to suffer Peter Pan Syndrome. Marie, you have put in enough time and your son is not different. It is his doing, not yours. You can't change him. Only he can change himself. I'm sorry he pulled the suicide card. Most of our grown kids have done that one, often to manipulate us into handing over money. I've been on this forum for about fifteen years and I don't recall even one difficult child actually committing suicide, at least that we heard of here. If they really mean to do it, why would they tell us? When my son used to threaten that, I hung up (he lives two states away) and called 911 immediately. He stopped using that card. You know what? Many seemingly well adjusted people commit suicide. We can't control when somebody ends his or her life. And we never know who that will be. Usually, though, if they are serious, they don't want to be found out or rescued. You take care of yourself. You earned your Warrior Mom stripes. [/QUOTE]
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