newstart.....you've been blamed for your daughter's actions and choices for a long, long time....it's so hurtful, I'm sorry you had to endure that.
On top of trying to do everything we can to save our kids, it's insulting to then be blamed and judged.....likely most of us have been there.....it hurts. We can't defend ourselves. We live in a culture that often blames the parents......I recall a boy here in CA. who shot a bunch of kids in the area where my granddaughter went to college. It was horrific. His Dad got on TV and talked about all of the years the boys parents tried to get him help......the guilt and sorrow on the Father's face was heartbreaking.....he felt he had to publicly defend himself from what was likely already occurring, the public blaming the parents.
I've observed in myself that when I began letting go of the guilt, fewer external judgments made their way to me....I believe that those outside criticisms hooked my own guilt......but they also clued me in to still having that guilt so I could work on letting it go. Guilt is a biggie to let go of, particularly when our kids are mentally unstable. Keep telling yourself that you didn't cause this, you can't fix it and you can't control it. It's a tough nut, I know, but in the acceptance of what we cannot control, lies that peace you're seeking. You're doing a very good job working your way thru this....this is just a part of the process.....letting go of our own self judgements and the judgements others impose on us.
You've done all you can do for your daughter. Give that beautiful compassion, understanding and empathy that you felt towards Reggie to yourself.
Sending you big hugs.....I know just how you feel.
