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General Parenting
5 reasons to stop saying ' Good Job ' - Alfie Kohn
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<blockquote data-quote="Allan-Matlem" data-source="post: 15606" data-attributes="member: 10"><p>Hi,</p><p>in my humble opinion the greatest tool a parent has with a kid is conversation and dialog. By using dialog questions we can help a kid reflect on what he has done , take perspectives. We can problem solve , work things through together , all this promotes so many cognitive skills .Praise stops conversations. </p><p></p><p>from a previous thread on praise </p><p></p><p>My kid has never responded well to praise seeing it as an attempt to control or stroke him , or when I praised him for not yelling , he put me down by saying Dad , am I such a bad kid that you have to praise me for not yelling ! So I was pretty excited about the following I read in Myrna Shure's book Thinking parent, Thinking child </p><p>A problem with too much praise is that children start performing to please you instead of THEMSELVES , instead of becoming motivated by their own desire to do well or by their own enjoyment of what they are doing </p><p>So scripts like you worked very hard, how do you feel about what you did? </p><p>Tell me more about the game , test etc </p><p>What were you thinking about when you drew the dog , scored the goal </p><p>Comments like these focus your child's attention on her feelings and thoughts rather than achievements teaches that it is the trying that counts </p><p>kids really enjoy and feel good when they talk and celebrate what happened to an appreciative audience</p><p></p><p>Allan</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Allan-Matlem, post: 15606, member: 10"] Hi, in my humble opinion the greatest tool a parent has with a kid is conversation and dialog. By using dialog questions we can help a kid reflect on what he has done , take perspectives. We can problem solve , work things through together , all this promotes so many cognitive skills .Praise stops conversations. from a previous thread on praise My kid has never responded well to praise seeing it as an attempt to control or stroke him , or when I praised him for not yelling , he put me down by saying Dad , am I such a bad kid that you have to praise me for not yelling ! So I was pretty excited about the following I read in Myrna Shure's book Thinking parent, Thinking child A problem with too much praise is that children start performing to please you instead of THEMSELVES , instead of becoming motivated by their own desire to do well or by their own enjoyment of what they are doing So scripts like you worked very hard, how do you feel about what you did? Tell me more about the game , test etc What were you thinking about when you drew the dog , scored the goal Comments like these focus your child's attention on her feelings and thoughts rather than achievements teaches that it is the trying that counts kids really enjoy and feel good when they talk and celebrate what happened to an appreciative audience Allan [/QUOTE]
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5 reasons to stop saying ' Good Job ' - Alfie Kohn
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