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Substance Abuse
7 months on...i'm back
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<blockquote data-quote="Kathy813" data-source="post: 746564" data-attributes="member: 1967"><p>I don't believe that a single one of us on the board hasn't lost control, gotten angry, and said mean and hurtful things to our substance abusing loved ones. I know I have done every one of those things. Parents are human and reach a breaking point and as things spiral out of control we can get out of control.</p><p></p><p>Stop blaming yourself. Your daughter is nothing like your son. You have raised them both. Think about that. My two daughters were as different as night and day but were both raised by the same set of parents in the same home with the same rules. One became a drug addict, one was a superstar athlete and has a great career today. So do I get blame or credit?</p><p></p><p>I firmly believe genetics and nurturing are factors in how our kids turn out. Could I have done a better job with my older daughter? Sure. Would it have changed her path to addiction? We have a family history of addiction on both sides of the family so I will never know.</p><p></p><p>Another board saying is that we did the best we could with what we knew at the time. Start dealing with the here and now. Your son is treating you and your daughter horribly and refuses to follow the rules. It is time for him to leave.</p><p></p><p>If you can't do that in your country, you can at least stop enabling him and making his life easy. Stop cooking for him, cleaning for him, and doing his laundry. Those are things adults do and since he tells you he is an adult, believe him. Also, do not give him any money! You are paying for his drugs if you do.</p><p></p><p>My younger daughter has a lot of resentment for the time and money we spent on our older daughter while she was in active addiction. Even today, they have a strained relationship. She, too, used to ask why she couldn't have a normal sister like all of her friends. It has a lifelong impact.</p><p></p><p>~Kathy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Kathy813, post: 746564, member: 1967"] I don't believe that a single one of us on the board hasn't lost control, gotten angry, and said mean and hurtful things to our substance abusing loved ones. I know I have done every one of those things. Parents are human and reach a breaking point and as things spiral out of control we can get out of control. Stop blaming yourself. Your daughter is nothing like your son. You have raised them both. Think about that. My two daughters were as different as night and day but were both raised by the same set of parents in the same home with the same rules. One became a drug addict, one was a superstar athlete and has a great career today. So do I get blame or credit? I firmly believe genetics and nurturing are factors in how our kids turn out. Could I have done a better job with my older daughter? Sure. Would it have changed her path to addiction? We have a family history of addiction on both sides of the family so I will never know. Another board saying is that we did the best we could with what we knew at the time. Start dealing with the here and now. Your son is treating you and your daughter horribly and refuses to follow the rules. It is time for him to leave. If you can't do that in your country, you can at least stop enabling him and making his life easy. Stop cooking for him, cleaning for him, and doing his laundry. Those are things adults do and since he tells you he is an adult, believe him. Also, do not give him any money! You are paying for his drugs if you do. My younger daughter has a lot of resentment for the time and money we spent on our older daughter while she was in active addiction. Even today, they have a strained relationship. She, too, used to ask why she couldn't have a normal sister like all of her friends. It has a lifelong impact. ~Kathy [/QUOTE]
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7 months on...i'm back
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