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7 Stages of Grieving
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<blockquote data-quote="Scent of Cedar *" data-source="post: 647507" data-attributes="member: 17461"><p>I did not have time to review the site you posted for us until this morning. This is a great piece. Thank you so much.</p><p></p><p>I agree that two years seems to be about right for that time of intense, focused grieving, and for belief in reparation and recovery. Then there comes a time of acceptance. But I would add that for the parents of difficult child kids, deeper, more shocking layers of something that feels like betrayal (or maybe even a kind of insanity) are exposed. Shock after shock as our children and our futures and our families change before our eyes <em>but there is no end to the vulnerability of hope.</em></p><p></p><p>That is the comfort we do not have. Our stories are not over, our grieving is a shocked and living thing.</p><p></p><p>Our stories are like those old adventure stories where the hero is forced to run a gauntlet. We take the blows and keep on going, pulling our children and grands along behind us, protecting them as best we can for as long as we can. To give in is impossible, is unthinkable.</p><p></p><p>So I would say that over time, I am less healing from, than becoming accustomed to, shock and grief. There is a dull finality to some of the things happening now. There is an "Of course that is what would happen next." hellishness to things. I reach for my toolbox (as COM posts to us). Or review my survival skills and automatically pick a persona, a set of interpretations and responses that will see me through the time I cannot seem to wrap my brain around.</p><p></p><p>There is a measure of comfort in knowing what to do, in knowing how to detach from the emotional maelstrom and stand up.</p><p></p><p>Boy, am I darkness personified this morning.</p><p></p><p>Must be something in my coffee!</p><p></p><p>Cedar</p><p></p><p>In reality, I think it is helpful to discuss our grieving processes. I remember wondering whether I would ever be myself again ~ and I meant that in a concrete way. I have changed so much. </p><p></p><p>Wise and wary is part of it. </p><p></p><p>Knowing how to sit with the pain is part of it.</p><p></p><p>Not so much "Let it go." as "Let it be."</p><p></p><p>Like in that old Beatles song.</p><p></p><p>Just...let it be, let it all be. These are the stories of those I love. There is much pain, there. </p><p></p><p>Let it be.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Scent of Cedar *, post: 647507, member: 17461"] I did not have time to review the site you posted for us until this morning. This is a great piece. Thank you so much. I agree that two years seems to be about right for that time of intense, focused grieving, and for belief in reparation and recovery. Then there comes a time of acceptance. But I would add that for the parents of difficult child kids, deeper, more shocking layers of something that feels like betrayal (or maybe even a kind of insanity) are exposed. Shock after shock as our children and our futures and our families change before our eyes [I]but there is no end to the vulnerability of hope.[/I] That is the comfort we do not have. Our stories are not over, our grieving is a shocked and living thing. Our stories are like those old adventure stories where the hero is forced to run a gauntlet. We take the blows and keep on going, pulling our children and grands along behind us, protecting them as best we can for as long as we can. To give in is impossible, is unthinkable. So I would say that over time, I am less healing from, than becoming accustomed to, shock and grief. There is a dull finality to some of the things happening now. There is an "Of course that is what would happen next." hellishness to things. I reach for my toolbox (as COM posts to us). Or review my survival skills and automatically pick a persona, a set of interpretations and responses that will see me through the time I cannot seem to wrap my brain around. There is a measure of comfort in knowing what to do, in knowing how to detach from the emotional maelstrom and stand up. Boy, am I darkness personified this morning. Must be something in my coffee! Cedar In reality, I think it is helpful to discuss our grieving processes. I remember wondering whether I would ever be myself again ~ and I meant that in a concrete way. I have changed so much. Wise and wary is part of it. Knowing how to sit with the pain is part of it. Not so much "Let it go." as "Let it be." Like in that old Beatles song. Just...let it be, let it all be. These are the stories of those I love. There is much pain, there. Let it be. [/QUOTE]
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