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911.. what to do.. she is asking to come home..
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<blockquote data-quote="Star*" data-source="post: 251203" data-attributes="member: 4964"><p>Hi - </p><p> </p><p>Don't think we've spoken before but I have read your story. </p><p> </p><p>I have an 18 year old that has literally put us through "it". He currently is living in foster care, on probation and facing more charges/jury trial. He could end up with 30-40 years in prison which would be just so sad and such a waste. To know that he is trying at all to me is improvement - but like many detached parents here - I show very little "yeah factor" on the outside. Our kids seem to self-destruct when they get praise. </p><p> </p><p>Some of the best advice I got, years ago about my son was to pretend like he wasn't my son. Put myself in the shoes of someone who wasn't realated to him and how would I advise them to handle the situation. It really helps you take the emotion out of the equation. Which is what most times messes my thoughts and decisions up. </p><p> </p><p>Looking at her history - there is no way I would harbor a fugitive. </p><p>I would make her clear that problem up first. I think you've gotten some excellent advice about womens shelters and court from RM. I too have a list of local shelters for Dude to go to, in the event that he becomes homeless. I'm not 100% sure I could go through with it either, but I know that a week after I'd let him come home - my stress levels would go back up, the dogs would cower and the world would owe him a kiss on the butt. Then I would be miserable - we'd fight and in a heat of the moment I would take him to the shelter. I dont' want things to be like that. So I'm planning the best I can for the worst and hoping for the best. </p><p> </p><p>As far as her coming home after that? I honestly think once she would get in with a women's shelter and begin attending their mandatory counseling? She would begin to hear stories from other women who were down and out. Some less than some greater than her own problems. From there she may even be guided towards her own independence on her own terms and at her own doing. </p><p> </p><p>If you were to just say "Fine, come home?" WOW - would I come here and get a list of things to draw up in a written contract and both of you sign. Then I would have the consequences CLEARLY drawn out =and signed. So that there would be no question - If A should occur - B WILL MOST CERTAINLY happen and you will be X. here. </p><p> </p><p>As far as hugging her and loving her? Yup....I think every Mom should get to do that. Maybe if she finds a place with an address you could begin to write her and just tell her how you feel or if she'd ever give you a phone number - call and just leave a message you love her. You can also make a photo collage, or scrap book - it helps bring back good memories, allows you to cry over missed times,,,and gives something nice to show her when she does come back from planet X as your real daughter. </p><p> </p><p>I'm sorry you are hurting so badly - Maybe a journal could help you - written or typed. You could just write a little each day - so that someday she could read how much you love her. ? Journaling used to be a great tool for me. </p><p> </p><p>Hugs</p><p>Star</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Star*, post: 251203, member: 4964"] Hi - Don't think we've spoken before but I have read your story. I have an 18 year old that has literally put us through "it". He currently is living in foster care, on probation and facing more charges/jury trial. He could end up with 30-40 years in prison which would be just so sad and such a waste. To know that he is trying at all to me is improvement - but like many detached parents here - I show very little "yeah factor" on the outside. Our kids seem to self-destruct when they get praise. Some of the best advice I got, years ago about my son was to pretend like he wasn't my son. Put myself in the shoes of someone who wasn't realated to him and how would I advise them to handle the situation. It really helps you take the emotion out of the equation. Which is what most times messes my thoughts and decisions up. Looking at her history - there is no way I would harbor a fugitive. I would make her clear that problem up first. I think you've gotten some excellent advice about womens shelters and court from RM. I too have a list of local shelters for Dude to go to, in the event that he becomes homeless. I'm not 100% sure I could go through with it either, but I know that a week after I'd let him come home - my stress levels would go back up, the dogs would cower and the world would owe him a kiss on the butt. Then I would be miserable - we'd fight and in a heat of the moment I would take him to the shelter. I dont' want things to be like that. So I'm planning the best I can for the worst and hoping for the best. As far as her coming home after that? I honestly think once she would get in with a women's shelter and begin attending their mandatory counseling? She would begin to hear stories from other women who were down and out. Some less than some greater than her own problems. From there she may even be guided towards her own independence on her own terms and at her own doing. If you were to just say "Fine, come home?" WOW - would I come here and get a list of things to draw up in a written contract and both of you sign. Then I would have the consequences CLEARLY drawn out =and signed. So that there would be no question - If A should occur - B WILL MOST CERTAINLY happen and you will be X. here. As far as hugging her and loving her? Yup....I think every Mom should get to do that. Maybe if she finds a place with an address you could begin to write her and just tell her how you feel or if she'd ever give you a phone number - call and just leave a message you love her. You can also make a photo collage, or scrap book - it helps bring back good memories, allows you to cry over missed times,,,and gives something nice to show her when she does come back from planet X as your real daughter. I'm sorry you are hurting so badly - Maybe a journal could help you - written or typed. You could just write a little each day - so that someday she could read how much you love her. ? Journaling used to be a great tool for me. Hugs Star [/QUOTE]
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