Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
911.. what to do.. she is asking to come home..
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="Rhonda" data-source="post: 251280" data-attributes="member: 6732"><p>Star,</p><p> </p><p>Oh the wisdom of experience. I would really prefer to miss out on this experience and just get straight to the wisdom part. I am so grateful for your advice. </p><p> </p><p>I have already refused to let her come home until her current situation is handled. But, I do not think that she is strong enough to turn herself into the police alone and I certainly would not want any of the other difficult child's she is running with to offer their help.. she would be crossing the border if they had a say so. I think that I will fly to MS and talk to her and offer to go with her and hope that is enough to get her started on straightening out the mess she has gotten herself in. I have talked to the Bail Bondsman there who she skipped bail on. He wants his $1500.00 and she will have to go to jail. If the fine is paid she will still have to go to jail until there is a hearing on the shop lifting charge because they will not set a new bail due to her being a flight risk (because she is). Once she is sentenced, she will either have to pay a fine or work off the fine in jail or possibly come to the jail daily to work until it is paid off. That is how it works. (a bit hard for someone with no home and no car..oh well)</p><p> </p><p>I will not pay her fine. Her father might but I will not. Even if it means her having to be in jail to pay it off. I would however be willing to stay in MS during her incarceration and visit her as often as possible. That is it.. I make no more promises than that. We will see how that goes. Or if it even goes. I am under no illusions that even if I fly to MS that she will turn herself in. But I do know that the possiblity is much greater if I am there to hold her hand. If she chooses not to turn herself in. I will get back on an airplane and leave her to deal with her life. I can only love her, and that love is greater than any anger and dissapointment I have felt. I know that she is not alone and even if she goes to jail she will not be alone not for one minute. She may think she is but she is not. </p><p> </p><p>These children.. these people.. that we raise.. what causes their behavior.. it is painful to try to live with it, to try to understand it, and even more painful are the ambitions most of us have to try to "correct" it because they end in our own failure (great now we are failing along with our little difficult child's). We are truly powerless, and it is very humbling, it can also be very liberating if we let it. I am trying to find the joy in understanding and belief, it is hard, but I know I can do it.</p><p> </p><p>I am not at the "contract if she comes home" stage. I am at the forgiveness stage. Forgiving her, forgiving her friends, and forgiving this cruel world for offering such an abundance of candy coated opportunities to our weak ones. I will think about "contracts" if she starts fixing her current situations with the police. So I may ask for a lot more advice if and when that happens.. wow.. I hope I get the opportuntiy to ask for that advice.</p><p> </p><p>I think the journal/scrapbook thing is great. I have toyed with that idea a lot but not done anything with my ideas.. I will start..</p><p>Thank you again. </p><p>Rhonda</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Rhonda, post: 251280, member: 6732"] Star, Oh the wisdom of experience. I would really prefer to miss out on this experience and just get straight to the wisdom part. I am so grateful for your advice. I have already refused to let her come home until her current situation is handled. But, I do not think that she is strong enough to turn herself into the police alone and I certainly would not want any of the other difficult child's she is running with to offer their help.. she would be crossing the border if they had a say so. I think that I will fly to MS and talk to her and offer to go with her and hope that is enough to get her started on straightening out the mess she has gotten herself in. I have talked to the Bail Bondsman there who she skipped bail on. He wants his $1500.00 and she will have to go to jail. If the fine is paid she will still have to go to jail until there is a hearing on the shop lifting charge because they will not set a new bail due to her being a flight risk (because she is). Once she is sentenced, she will either have to pay a fine or work off the fine in jail or possibly come to the jail daily to work until it is paid off. That is how it works. (a bit hard for someone with no home and no car..oh well) I will not pay her fine. Her father might but I will not. Even if it means her having to be in jail to pay it off. I would however be willing to stay in MS during her incarceration and visit her as often as possible. That is it.. I make no more promises than that. We will see how that goes. Or if it even goes. I am under no illusions that even if I fly to MS that she will turn herself in. But I do know that the possiblity is much greater if I am there to hold her hand. If she chooses not to turn herself in. I will get back on an airplane and leave her to deal with her life. I can only love her, and that love is greater than any anger and dissapointment I have felt. I know that she is not alone and even if she goes to jail she will not be alone not for one minute. She may think she is but she is not. These children.. these people.. that we raise.. what causes their behavior.. it is painful to try to live with it, to try to understand it, and even more painful are the ambitions most of us have to try to "correct" it because they end in our own failure (great now we are failing along with our little difficult child's). We are truly powerless, and it is very humbling, it can also be very liberating if we let it. I am trying to find the joy in understanding and belief, it is hard, but I know I can do it. I am not at the "contract if she comes home" stage. I am at the forgiveness stage. Forgiving her, forgiving her friends, and forgiving this cruel world for offering such an abundance of candy coated opportunities to our weak ones. I will think about "contracts" if she starts fixing her current situations with the police. So I may ask for a lot more advice if and when that happens.. wow.. I hope I get the opportuntiy to ask for that advice. I think the journal/scrapbook thing is great. I have toyed with that idea a lot but not done anything with my ideas.. I will start.. Thank you again. Rhonda [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
911.. what to do.. she is asking to come home..
Top