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General Parenting
9M difficult child... I'm wearing thin fast.
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 613738" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>He probably has attachment disorder too and, if so, he thinks differently than you and I. Bascially he does not attach to humans because he doesn't trust anyone so it's up to him to take care of him. This gets hardwired into his brain at an early age. All the love you have given him since the fiasco with his pre-birth, birth, infancy and visits with birth grandma and birthmom, back and forth, and then to you confused his developing brain. He is afraid to love and I'll bet the only time he is nice to you is when he wants something. I lived with a kid who had attachment problems on top of pre-natal drug/alcohol abuse. He probably has both so the way he thinks is different. You can not see this brain damage on an MRI or CAT scan, but it's there. The alcohol and drug use harmed him even before he was born and he does not think logically, like you and me. He can't help it. He doesn't trust you anymore than you trust him and most likely he doesn't even remember the events that make him distrustful.</p><p></p><p>It's good that he is not acting out now. However, the boy we adopted did not act out in front of us either. He terrorized the younger kids, but acted like an angel in front of adults. I would still talk to your younger children. If you don't, you may be sorry and note that you were warned. This child is going to require a great deal of extra parenting (and not the traditional type) and will be unlikely to learn from his mistakes, especially if has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) which compromises the ability to reason and remember. Actually, so does Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE). There is little difference between the two other than that with one there are facial feature differences and one is invisible.</p><p></p><p>It is hard to tell you not to blame him because he can't think as you do. I didn't really care with the child we brought in our house and adopted. We had loved him dearly, but once we found out he had sexually abused the youngest two, we no longer wanted to try to fix him. He had to leave. I don't want our story to become yours. Please be cautious.</p><p></p><p></p><p>There is no magic pill or therapy for this child. You will have to navigate his adventure and improvise as he changes. Expect surprises. He will likely puzzle even the best diagnosticians because a lot of stuff is going on with him at one time. He could be ADHD/Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/cognitively slow/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)/Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)/mood disordered/Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) all at the same time and he may just have one very serious issue, but it will be hard for any diagnostician to nail exactly what is wrong with him since no blood tests or x-rays can show you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 613738, member: 1550"] He probably has attachment disorder too and, if so, he thinks differently than you and I. Bascially he does not attach to humans because he doesn't trust anyone so it's up to him to take care of him. This gets hardwired into his brain at an early age. All the love you have given him since the fiasco with his pre-birth, birth, infancy and visits with birth grandma and birthmom, back and forth, and then to you confused his developing brain. He is afraid to love and I'll bet the only time he is nice to you is when he wants something. I lived with a kid who had attachment problems on top of pre-natal drug/alcohol abuse. He probably has both so the way he thinks is different. You can not see this brain damage on an MRI or CAT scan, but it's there. The alcohol and drug use harmed him even before he was born and he does not think logically, like you and me. He can't help it. He doesn't trust you anymore than you trust him and most likely he doesn't even remember the events that make him distrustful. It's good that he is not acting out now. However, the boy we adopted did not act out in front of us either. He terrorized the younger kids, but acted like an angel in front of adults. I would still talk to your younger children. If you don't, you may be sorry and note that you were warned. This child is going to require a great deal of extra parenting (and not the traditional type) and will be unlikely to learn from his mistakes, especially if has Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS) which compromises the ability to reason and remember. Actually, so does Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE). There is little difference between the two other than that with one there are facial feature differences and one is invisible. It is hard to tell you not to blame him because he can't think as you do. I didn't really care with the child we brought in our house and adopted. We had loved him dearly, but once we found out he had sexually abused the youngest two, we no longer wanted to try to fix him. He had to leave. I don't want our story to become yours. Please be cautious. There is no magic pill or therapy for this child. You will have to navigate his adventure and improvise as he changes. Expect surprises. He will likely puzzle even the best diagnosticians because a lot of stuff is going on with him at one time. He could be ADHD/Autism Spectrum Disorders (ASD)/cognitively slow/Fetal Alcohol Syndrome (FAS)/Fetal Alcohol Effects (FAE)/mood disordered/Reactive Attachment Disorder (RAD) all at the same time and he may just have one very serious issue, but it will be hard for any diagnostician to nail exactly what is wrong with him since no blood tests or x-rays can show you. [/QUOTE]
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