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9M difficult child... I'm wearing thin fast.
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<blockquote data-quote="Aimless" data-source="post: 613798" data-attributes="member: 17346"><p>Malika, </p><p></p><p>By sharing on this site, I am choosing to break the unspoken code of silence that says that good parents never speak ill of their children. I refuse to keep secret any longer about the disturbing patterns of behavior that I see almost daily and speaking about things involving my child that make most of us uncomfortable at our core. I believe that the truth will liberate me by inviting others to give advise and support. </p><p>I never said that I hated my son or believed him to be evil; you assumed that. I whole heartedly believe that if he could somehow think or act differently, he would. But he can't or won't, I don't know why, and compassion will not find the resources we need or keep him from eventually causing an injury or making a threat that will involve the legal community because he felt mad at someone. Do you know what the best predictor of the future is? The past. And difficult child's past is a troubled one. "Compassion" is NOT complacency. Compassion is advocating for the needs of another. If advocating for our difficult child means always hoping for the best but constantly preparing for the worst, then so be it. It would be selfish and wrong for us to keep placing him in situations that he is ill-equipped to mentally and emotionally handle, just because we were more concerned with the avoiding the judgment of others. If he somehow stole a neighbor's gun, brought it to school tomorrow, and used it to show your child how "mad" he was for some insignificant word or act, you would be screaming from the roof tops "How did this happen?? Why didn't anyone intervene when clearly there was a pattern of anti-social behavior victimizing others??" </p><p></p><p> The truth is that vigilance, honesty, generosity, forgiveness, humility, persistence, patience, resourcefulness, creativity, sacrifice, and even humor are the stuff "compassion" is made of. It doesn't always look or feel the way we want it to. Parenting isn't always pretty. An isolated few of us know what its like to lay awake, stiff with fear, replaying what was said between the words and subtle movements of a differently wired kid, searching for signs or signals that trouble is brewing again. We know what its like to wake up thankful that the night was uneventful, but also exhausted from the constant threat of the unknown. I'm just so thankful that this seems like a safe place to scream, because the tears stopped a long time ago. this seems like a wonderful place to be honest about the fact that some of us are white knuckling it thru life right now and the only hope we have is that somehow, some way, tomorrow might bring the right technique, therapy, doctor or treatment. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for listening.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Aimless, post: 613798, member: 17346"] Malika, By sharing on this site, I am choosing to break the unspoken code of silence that says that good parents never speak ill of their children. I refuse to keep secret any longer about the disturbing patterns of behavior that I see almost daily and speaking about things involving my child that make most of us uncomfortable at our core. I believe that the truth will liberate me by inviting others to give advise and support. I never said that I hated my son or believed him to be evil; you assumed that. I whole heartedly believe that if he could somehow think or act differently, he would. But he can't or won't, I don't know why, and compassion will not find the resources we need or keep him from eventually causing an injury or making a threat that will involve the legal community because he felt mad at someone. Do you know what the best predictor of the future is? The past. And difficult child's past is a troubled one. "Compassion" is NOT complacency. Compassion is advocating for the needs of another. If advocating for our difficult child means always hoping for the best but constantly preparing for the worst, then so be it. It would be selfish and wrong for us to keep placing him in situations that he is ill-equipped to mentally and emotionally handle, just because we were more concerned with the avoiding the judgment of others. If he somehow stole a neighbor's gun, brought it to school tomorrow, and used it to show your child how "mad" he was for some insignificant word or act, you would be screaming from the roof tops "How did this happen?? Why didn't anyone intervene when clearly there was a pattern of anti-social behavior victimizing others??" The truth is that vigilance, honesty, generosity, forgiveness, humility, persistence, patience, resourcefulness, creativity, sacrifice, and even humor are the stuff "compassion" is made of. It doesn't always look or feel the way we want it to. Parenting isn't always pretty. An isolated few of us know what its like to lay awake, stiff with fear, replaying what was said between the words and subtle movements of a differently wired kid, searching for signs or signals that trouble is brewing again. We know what its like to wake up thankful that the night was uneventful, but also exhausted from the constant threat of the unknown. I'm just so thankful that this seems like a safe place to scream, because the tears stopped a long time ago. this seems like a wonderful place to be honest about the fact that some of us are white knuckling it thru life right now and the only hope we have is that somehow, some way, tomorrow might bring the right technique, therapy, doctor or treatment. Thanks for listening. [/QUOTE]
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