Wow. Ouch.
I guess I'd let the dust settle a little and give her a call.
Ask her what her plans are now that she's not going to the military. See if she has a plan at all. If she does not, explain your concerns and that if this guy is "the guy", that he'll be here when she gets back from the military. Explain that you can't continue to support her if she's going to be wishy-washy, that you love her, you don't want to be out forever (its so hard not to think in terms of dealing with a difficult child on this! wow) but kinda leave the ball in her court.
Unless she's got some sort of well-thought-out plan, tho, to deal with this change in agenda, I don't think you're wrong at all. If she wants to play in the big leagues, let her play. But I would suggest opening to door so she knows your there when she falls (and she'll probably fall). I guess, of course, if that's something you're willing to do is help her back up...
Hugs. Sorry this is happening.
