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General Parenting
A bit of peace would
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<blockquote data-quote="InsaneCdn" data-source="post: 422680" data-attributes="member: 11791"><p>Hmmm... Around here, we work on "same rules for everyone", except we don't call them rules. (rules = current hot-spots, closely monitored and enforced, max 3) Expectations... are limited to 3 - that is, three expectations, one word each. And yes, they apply to Mom and Dad too.</p><p> </p><p>With a 14yr old "him" (25 million problems) plus a 12.75 year old "her"(a couple of problems)... we don't have as MUCH resentment etc. as you have - but there have been times when its been really bad. Our biggest win has been the "same expectations for everyone". The expectations are not some complicated rule book, they are simple. Things like "respect". If what you're doing or not doing violates one of those three, you get called on it, and "re-do"... she gets called on it often enough that he doesn't feel picked on and she can't get feeling too superior. Sometimes have to call Mom or Dad on it, too (bad days - we all have them). We handle differences in expectations by finding ways to be fair but not equal... It helped when we figured out that some simple chores that he can do, are things she hates to do. So, we make sure he covers those for her (turns out he doesn't mind). </p><p> </p><p>But this probably only works if the gap isn't too wide between them in age and/or intellect.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="InsaneCdn, post: 422680, member: 11791"] Hmmm... Around here, we work on "same rules for everyone", except we don't call them rules. (rules = current hot-spots, closely monitored and enforced, max 3) Expectations... are limited to 3 - that is, three expectations, one word each. And yes, they apply to Mom and Dad too. With a 14yr old "him" (25 million problems) plus a 12.75 year old "her"(a couple of problems)... we don't have as MUCH resentment etc. as you have - but there have been times when its been really bad. Our biggest win has been the "same expectations for everyone". The expectations are not some complicated rule book, they are simple. Things like "respect". If what you're doing or not doing violates one of those three, you get called on it, and "re-do"... she gets called on it often enough that he doesn't feel picked on and she can't get feeling too superior. Sometimes have to call Mom or Dad on it, too (bad days - we all have them). We handle differences in expectations by finding ways to be fair but not equal... It helped when we figured out that some simple chores that he can do, are things she hates to do. So, we make sure he covers those for her (turns out he doesn't mind). But this probably only works if the gap isn't too wide between them in age and/or intellect. [/QUOTE]
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A bit of peace would
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