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A Disturbing Phone Call
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<blockquote data-quote="Blindsided" data-source="post: 756781" data-attributes="member: 23811"><p>John, I feel your pain. My 41 y/o alcoholic daughter is pregnant for the first time, she had tried to get pregnant with her last long-term live in wealthy boyfriend and couldn't, so this was a total shock. She has stopped drinking and has stopped the Adderall and Xanax. On that front, she is doing really well. It's difficult to give her normal words of love and excitement because I fear she will use the pregnancy to manipulate. I believe she is staying with the parents of the supposed father, who also doesn't work. She lives in another state so I have no idea who this person is, which is weird for me because even today, I could call every one of her former friends. What's enough? She has already begun, "I don't have money for maternity clothes". What's next? How much is too much? I fear so much right now, with her, with this virus, with her inability to care for herself let alone caring for an innocent baby. I guess the only thing I can say is that boundaries are probably more important now. What would a reasonable unrelated person say to our DCs? My husband and I are elderly. So much coming at one time is difficult. Our DCs define support as financial. At their age, this is not reasonable. When we enforce boundaries it's reasonable they don't feel supported, because we aren't! Not supporting behaviors such as theirs IS an act of love.</p><p></p><p>In healing, Blindsided</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Blindsided, post: 756781, member: 23811"] John, I feel your pain. My 41 y/o alcoholic daughter is pregnant for the first time, she had tried to get pregnant with her last long-term live in wealthy boyfriend and couldn't, so this was a total shock. She has stopped drinking and has stopped the Adderall and Xanax. On that front, she is doing really well. It's difficult to give her normal words of love and excitement because I fear she will use the pregnancy to manipulate. I believe she is staying with the parents of the supposed father, who also doesn't work. She lives in another state so I have no idea who this person is, which is weird for me because even today, I could call every one of her former friends. What's enough? She has already begun, "I don't have money for maternity clothes". What's next? How much is too much? I fear so much right now, with her, with this virus, with her inability to care for herself let alone caring for an innocent baby. I guess the only thing I can say is that boundaries are probably more important now. What would a reasonable unrelated person say to our DCs? My husband and I are elderly. So much coming at one time is difficult. Our DCs define support as financial. At their age, this is not reasonable. When we enforce boundaries it's reasonable they don't feel supported, because we aren't! Not supporting behaviors such as theirs IS an act of love. In healing, Blindsided [/QUOTE]
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A Disturbing Phone Call
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