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A long hard week with my difficult child
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 537806" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Good morning,</p><p>Thank you for your replies, I always appreciate other parents insights and support. I feel better today.</p><p></p><p>DDD, thank you for your care, you're absolutely right, I do hear you and I understand.</p><p></p><p>CJ, I'm sorry you have a similar experience with your brother, mental illness impacts the entire family in such dramatic and unpredictable ways. "Changing deck chairs on the Titanic" is perfect, that is precisely what it's like. It certainly is a good thing that your brother is in an adult home, I wish my difficult child was in something like that. Thank you for your support about my 3 scenarios, difficult child sure forces one to think and think of new and improved tactics to set boundaries. To answer your questions, I think my granddaughter turned the corner on the pain. Her wisdom teeth were so badly impacted the Dentist did extensive surgery cutting the bone, so I understand why she was in so much pain. I get distressed when a child is in pain, I feel so helpless to make it go away. Is my difficult child capable of working? I am not sure anymore. She has deteriorated mentally in recent years, it seems like she goes deeper and deeper into darkness. I am just not certain of what her capabilities are. </p><p></p><p>FHW, I rested well yesterday and feel quite a bit better today, thanks.</p><p></p><p>Janet, thanks for your kindness, I appreciate your comments. I also believe this punishment was beyond the crime. But, I also understand that small town police know all the offenders and keep a close eye on them, they are re-arrested over and over again on minor charges which we read in the local paper all the time. In addition to just being the way it is, it's a great source of revenue for quite a lot of people. My difficult child will have a large price she will owe when she does get out.</p><p></p><p>BW- thanks. Yup, follow through is the key now.</p><p></p><p>Update-- my difficult child called yesterday at the height of my weariness and extreme fatigue. She was very upset about the impact her life is having on me, she could hear it in my voice which was at that point, barely a whisper, I was just completely depleted. She kept saying she was so sorry that she had caused so much stress and pain for me. I was very quiet. She said she had been worried about me because of the impending surgery for the hernia at the end of this month and now she could hear how stressed out I have been. She said, "Mom, I will do anything you want me to to stop causing this stress for you." I said, "then go to the therapists I found and get yourself evaluated so we can find out what is going on and correct it." She said she would. She was crying and very upset and she sounded sincere in that moment. I have asked her for 12 years for this and this is the first time she not only did not argue vehemently against it, but in fact, agreed. She sounded like she had reached some point of surrender to this whole mess. I don't know. I am not jumping for joy because she has to get out first and then she has to actually go for the evaluation and anything can happen in between. I hope she does this, I told her if she does, I will walk through the whole process with her. But if not, it will be my 3 scenarios back in place. One way or the other, the era of insanity, <em>for me</em>, is over.</p><p></p><p>My therapist told me the other night that with each level of detaching and accepting, there is another level of grief. I cried a lot yesterday, I didn't think there were any more tears left to cry, but it is just so, so sad, such a wasted life, a life stuck in such darkness and pain and I am completely powerless to fix it. </p><p></p><p>Well, now I have to do what we all do, put one foot in front of the other and motor on. We'll know tomorrow if difficult child gets out or not. It's a beautiful day today, SO and I are going for a long walk soon. That'll help.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 537806, member: 13542"] Good morning, Thank you for your replies, I always appreciate other parents insights and support. I feel better today. DDD, thank you for your care, you're absolutely right, I do hear you and I understand. CJ, I'm sorry you have a similar experience with your brother, mental illness impacts the entire family in such dramatic and unpredictable ways. "Changing deck chairs on the Titanic" is perfect, that is precisely what it's like. It certainly is a good thing that your brother is in an adult home, I wish my difficult child was in something like that. Thank you for your support about my 3 scenarios, difficult child sure forces one to think and think of new and improved tactics to set boundaries. To answer your questions, I think my granddaughter turned the corner on the pain. Her wisdom teeth were so badly impacted the Dentist did extensive surgery cutting the bone, so I understand why she was in so much pain. I get distressed when a child is in pain, I feel so helpless to make it go away. Is my difficult child capable of working? I am not sure anymore. She has deteriorated mentally in recent years, it seems like she goes deeper and deeper into darkness. I am just not certain of what her capabilities are. FHW, I rested well yesterday and feel quite a bit better today, thanks. Janet, thanks for your kindness, I appreciate your comments. I also believe this punishment was beyond the crime. But, I also understand that small town police know all the offenders and keep a close eye on them, they are re-arrested over and over again on minor charges which we read in the local paper all the time. In addition to just being the way it is, it's a great source of revenue for quite a lot of people. My difficult child will have a large price she will owe when she does get out. BW- thanks. Yup, follow through is the key now. Update-- my difficult child called yesterday at the height of my weariness and extreme fatigue. She was very upset about the impact her life is having on me, she could hear it in my voice which was at that point, barely a whisper, I was just completely depleted. She kept saying she was so sorry that she had caused so much stress and pain for me. I was very quiet. She said she had been worried about me because of the impending surgery for the hernia at the end of this month and now she could hear how stressed out I have been. She said, "Mom, I will do anything you want me to to stop causing this stress for you." I said, "then go to the therapists I found and get yourself evaluated so we can find out what is going on and correct it." She said she would. She was crying and very upset and she sounded sincere in that moment. I have asked her for 12 years for this and this is the first time she not only did not argue vehemently against it, but in fact, agreed. She sounded like she had reached some point of surrender to this whole mess. I don't know. I am not jumping for joy because she has to get out first and then she has to actually go for the evaluation and anything can happen in between. I hope she does this, I told her if she does, I will walk through the whole process with her. But if not, it will be my 3 scenarios back in place. One way or the other, the era of insanity, [I]for me[/I], is over. My therapist told me the other night that with each level of detaching and accepting, there is another level of grief. I cried a lot yesterday, I didn't think there were any more tears left to cry, but it is just so, so sad, such a wasted life, a life stuck in such darkness and pain and I am completely powerless to fix it. Well, now I have to do what we all do, put one foot in front of the other and motor on. We'll know tomorrow if difficult child gets out or not. It's a beautiful day today, SO and I are going for a long walk soon. That'll help. [/QUOTE]
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