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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 633528" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Scott, that is good news about your difficult child moving to Florida. I hope for your sake---and his---that he stays there and lives his life, and maybe, he will start to do something different. </p><p></p><p>I believe that changing just one thing in our lives can have a significant snowball effect over time. When we look at the lives of our difficult children, and the immense hole they have dug for themselves, it sometimes takes my breath away---the sheer depth of that hole and how long it will take to truly climb out of it.</p><p></p><p>But, just changing one thing---today---can lead to more and more changes. Momentum. I believe that is true in my own life as well---taking just one bite of that elephant today.</p><p></p><p>Perhaps the same thinking can apply with your marriage. Marriage is hard anyway. Add a difficult child to the mix, and wow. </p><p></p><p>My marriage of 29 years failed due to many things---one primary thing was my ex-husband's alcoholism, related depression, awful childhood and then---my reactions to all of that, coming into the marriage with my own baggage. It wasn't as vivid---my baggage, but it likely was just as heavy as his. And truly, I should not have married him in the first place. </p><p></p><p>I don't regret doing it, because many good things occurred over those 29 years, but I didn't want to read the signs early on, that said perhaps this was not the best choice for me. I was afraid to read the signs, because that meant I would be alone, and I was afraid to be alone. So I married him, and I decided to work hard to make it work, and I was never going to be divorced.</p><p></p><p>Fast forward to reality. The last years of our marriage were consumed with our problems, but difficult child was starting to gain steam with his difficult child-ness, and it really ramped up after we separated. </p><p></p><p>It's just a good thing we all don't know the future. The optimist in me hopes that you and your wife can save your marriage, as you have lost so much already with your son. Divorce is just a series of so many losses, so many you could never imagine. It's way more than losing the marriage---that relationship, itself. </p><p></p><p>But we are all survivors. We can come through unimaginable pain and loss and suffering, and still find ways to be happy. I hope you both can, regardless of whether you stay together or not.</p><p></p><p>Space and distance and time are our friends when it comes to difficult children. </p><p></p><p>Thanks for keeping us informed about your son and your current situation, and thanks for your honesty, Scott. It helps other people.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 633528, member: 17542"] Scott, that is good news about your difficult child moving to Florida. I hope for your sake---and his---that he stays there and lives his life, and maybe, he will start to do something different. I believe that changing just one thing in our lives can have a significant snowball effect over time. When we look at the lives of our difficult children, and the immense hole they have dug for themselves, it sometimes takes my breath away---the sheer depth of that hole and how long it will take to truly climb out of it. But, just changing one thing---today---can lead to more and more changes. Momentum. I believe that is true in my own life as well---taking just one bite of that elephant today. Perhaps the same thinking can apply with your marriage. Marriage is hard anyway. Add a difficult child to the mix, and wow. My marriage of 29 years failed due to many things---one primary thing was my ex-husband's alcoholism, related depression, awful childhood and then---my reactions to all of that, coming into the marriage with my own baggage. It wasn't as vivid---my baggage, but it likely was just as heavy as his. And truly, I should not have married him in the first place. I don't regret doing it, because many good things occurred over those 29 years, but I didn't want to read the signs early on, that said perhaps this was not the best choice for me. I was afraid to read the signs, because that meant I would be alone, and I was afraid to be alone. So I married him, and I decided to work hard to make it work, and I was never going to be divorced. Fast forward to reality. The last years of our marriage were consumed with our problems, but difficult child was starting to gain steam with his difficult child-ness, and it really ramped up after we separated. It's just a good thing we all don't know the future. The optimist in me hopes that you and your wife can save your marriage, as you have lost so much already with your son. Divorce is just a series of so many losses, so many you could never imagine. It's way more than losing the marriage---that relationship, itself. But we are all survivors. We can come through unimaginable pain and loss and suffering, and still find ways to be happy. I hope you both can, regardless of whether you stay together or not. Space and distance and time are our friends when it comes to difficult children. Thanks for keeping us informed about your son and your current situation, and thanks for your honesty, Scott. It helps other people. [/QUOTE]
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