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Substance Abuse
A step backwards for him and me
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 740311" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>That is great. Oh. How I wish (I think) my son had a girlfriend.</p><p>OK, TL. You know this already. But I will drum it in: With these thoughts you have jumped out of yourself and into him. These are your fears: that he will want to use relapse. It is a very real fear. Of course it is. </p><p></p><p>But the thing is this: your agonizing about this possible event in know way gives you any control over what he does or do not do. It just makes you feel awful. That is the only result. Agony. This is a changing the channel moment. You know that.</p><p> I disagree here. I think neutral might be better, but it is very hard for me.</p><p></p><p>I think there is a reasonable chance that he could relapse. That is statistically so. That he will or will not, is up to him, not you. </p><p></p><p>If we get out of their lives (inside our heads) we can let this go.</p><p>You know I am dealing with the same sort of thing. </p><p></p><p>I seem to have only two speeds: on and off. I had been doing very well with "off". For me. Putting him out of my head and going about my life. This was very empowering to me. You can all see the effect the past few days of "on." A few of us had been talking about loving them from a "neutral" space. Without conditions. Without wanting.</p><p></p><p>What is happening to you, although way more moderate than I was feeling, is on the spectrum. It is very hard to be loving and neutral without expectation, without wanting desperately something that is waaaay beyond both our control and our prediction. </p><p></p><p>On my thread smithmom, Kalahou (just today) and others, have given me excellent support on how (and whether) to engage with my son, while keeping myself under wraps. It is very hard for me. This is really my problem.</p><p></p><p>I am going to hold back with my son, and let him contact me next. I wrote a series of texts, all supportive and hopeful about our connection, and an idea or two, which really, is the only thing which I can contribute. </p><p></p><p>I think we have to wait and see. What next. And meanwhile distract ourselves with good things: our lives.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 740311, member: 18958"] That is great. Oh. How I wish (I think) my son had a girlfriend. OK, TL. You know this already. But I will drum it in: With these thoughts you have jumped out of yourself and into him. These are your fears: that he will want to use relapse. It is a very real fear. Of course it is. But the thing is this: your agonizing about this possible event in know way gives you any control over what he does or do not do. It just makes you feel awful. That is the only result. Agony. This is a changing the channel moment. You know that. I disagree here. I think neutral might be better, but it is very hard for me. I think there is a reasonable chance that he could relapse. That is statistically so. That he will or will not, is up to him, not you. If we get out of their lives (inside our heads) we can let this go. You know I am dealing with the same sort of thing. I seem to have only two speeds: on and off. I had been doing very well with "off". For me. Putting him out of my head and going about my life. This was very empowering to me. You can all see the effect the past few days of "on." A few of us had been talking about loving them from a "neutral" space. Without conditions. Without wanting. What is happening to you, although way more moderate than I was feeling, is on the spectrum. It is very hard to be loving and neutral without expectation, without wanting desperately something that is waaaay beyond both our control and our prediction. On my thread smithmom, Kalahou (just today) and others, have given me excellent support on how (and whether) to engage with my son, while keeping myself under wraps. It is very hard for me. This is really my problem. I am going to hold back with my son, and let him contact me next. I wrote a series of texts, all supportive and hopeful about our connection, and an idea or two, which really, is the only thing which I can contribute. I think we have to wait and see. What next. And meanwhile distract ourselves with good things: our lives. [/QUOTE]
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A step backwards for him and me
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