Depression feels like a black void. I would describe it that way back when it tormented me. Torment is not an exaggeration. I felt like a ginea pig with medications. Why did I try and some dont? I can tell you that one dangerous symptom of depression is that you think you will never get any better.
I know this sounds weird but having no family support, nobody who took my mental illness as a serious problem (altgough they had it too) made me have to be strong for myself. I think it helped me push. And I had to be my own best advocate. Or i had to kill myself which I thought about but it was never really on the table. I didnt threaten, didnt try, didnt cut myself, didnt hurt myself by starving myself and would not use any substances. That may be the biggest thing. I did not want to make things worse.; I kept going for help even when I didnt think the help would help. I was married but my ex was no support at all. It was me, myself and I. I know it sounds contrary to logic but for me no support really helped. And depression is not psychosis. You are capable of knowing how to try even when you feel hopeless. You can do it. Many with depression get better. Since a few decades ago depression has left my life and anxiety is less a factor. I never quit therapy. I learned many skills. I learned through CBT what my thinking errors were and it helped! I take my medications with no shame. I am diligent. I dont want to go back to that abyss.
If you feel TOO sorry for an adult who is depressed and anxious and believe in your heart that they cant do better, often they will agree I think, and they WONT do better. They know they have someone else suffering too and perhaps are less apt to try. This is especially true if we exaggerate depression and anxiety which do not cause psychosis and are both highly treatable. And we step in too much. They CAN get better! They CAN!
But if your loved one compounds it with drug use, the drug use is the biggest wall to feeling better. And not everyone who is mentally ill uses drugs to cope, if you call that coping.
This is Jmo and all are different. We in my opinion need to let them get well, stop the pity and remember that very sad people may say things they dont mean. Dont take the blame personally. But dont accept it either. Clinical depression, which can happen to even somebody with a stellar upbringing, runs hard and fast in the DNA. It is genetic. It isnt caused by parenting problems. You are all good parents.
And never believe a depressed adult cant do better. So many do, even if they suffered early abuse like me. Pity for anyone implies the belief that you dont believe they can. Some disabled adults need outside supports, like my son, but they can be happy. My son with autism is happy. He uses supports little these days. But the help is there and he uses it. Those who wont use it are making a decision. We cant live forever but they think parents will always br there to be the supports. The rides. The reminders. The money. The shelter. They dont think we will ever die. Not really. Maybe that is when they finally reach out for community support.
A disabled adult can get that support from the community. Eventually the community will be all there is.
Most kids here are not disabled, just addicts. They will be more easy to help with mental illness after they quit And that cant be forced. But many here have quit
This is all just my own opinion and experience. Take what resonates with any advice from anyone and leave the rest.
Love and light!
