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A tough question to answer ...
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 740559" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>I am not quoting myself. I am realizing this is incomplete. I will be back later. Have to get dressed to leave the house.</p><p></p><p>The dope is to self-medicate. To stay in the immobilized state, but rendering it "feeling good." </p><p></p><p>My son had aspirations. He had things he loved. He had big wants. And then he saw that wanting things led not to the desired "feel good" state, but to disappointment, to pain, to blocks. And it was those he chose not to face. That was when he chose to define himself by the circumstances of his birth and his birth parents. And any discomfiture he felt, he pointed to those circumstances, as defining and limiting him. And somehow for some reason, he chose to deny his strengths, capacities, advantages. (I will say this felt horrible to me.)</p><p></p><p>I do not deny that those circumstances are real. I do not deny that there are ways he is constrained, his life is constrained. That is the human condition. I do not deny that people live their lives without challenging those constraints. I do not deny that I have no control over if and how he decides to challenge or to not challenge those constraints.</p><p></p><p>What I know is that THIS IS NOT HOW I HAVE CHOSEN TO LIVE. I have had long periods immobilized, but I choose incrementally as I am able to try to break free. </p><p></p><p>I, like SWOT, had no help. And because of that I had to do for myself. And I did. Many do not. That is life.</p><p></p><p>It really comes down to will I tolerate my son facing his life.</p><p></p><p>And will I tolerate his wanting to distance himself from me, if I do not fulfill a helping, instrumental role in fulfilling what he perceives are his needs. </p><p></p><p>This is the challenge that life is now putting <em>in front of me.</em></p><p></p><p>The important thing to remember here, for me, is that <em>my son is not me.</em> And I am not my son. I need to be front and center that I do not have an activist role in the life of another adult. And this is the challenge of my life now. The challenge to sit quiet in my own life, and let him live his own and wait.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 740559, member: 18958"] I am not quoting myself. I am realizing this is incomplete. I will be back later. Have to get dressed to leave the house. The dope is to self-medicate. To stay in the immobilized state, but rendering it "feeling good." My son had aspirations. He had things he loved. He had big wants. And then he saw that wanting things led not to the desired "feel good" state, but to disappointment, to pain, to blocks. And it was those he chose not to face. That was when he chose to define himself by the circumstances of his birth and his birth parents. And any discomfiture he felt, he pointed to those circumstances, as defining and limiting him. And somehow for some reason, he chose to deny his strengths, capacities, advantages. (I will say this felt horrible to me.) I do not deny that those circumstances are real. I do not deny that there are ways he is constrained, his life is constrained. That is the human condition. I do not deny that people live their lives without challenging those constraints. I do not deny that I have no control over if and how he decides to challenge or to not challenge those constraints. What I know is that THIS IS NOT HOW I HAVE CHOSEN TO LIVE. I have had long periods immobilized, but I choose incrementally as I am able to try to break free. I, like SWOT, had no help. And because of that I had to do for myself. And I did. Many do not. That is life. It really comes down to will I tolerate my son facing his life. And will I tolerate his wanting to distance himself from me, if I do not fulfill a helping, instrumental role in fulfilling what he perceives are his needs. This is the challenge that life is now putting [I]in front of me.[/I] The important thing to remember here, for me, is that [I]my son is not me.[/I] And I am not my son. I need to be front and center that I do not have an activist role in the life of another adult. And this is the challenge of my life now. The challenge to sit quiet in my own life, and let him live his own and wait. [/QUOTE]
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