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Substance Abuse
A View From The Other Side (Fairly Long)
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<blockquote data-quote="DarkwingPsyduck" data-source="post: 687104" data-attributes="member: 20267"><p>Are you talking about SSRI's or benzos? And you are smart to make the decision not to even try to recreationally use. It is an unfortunate fact all addicts must accept. As much as we'd like to, there is NEVER "just one". While most of us started out purely recreational, we clearly lost our ability to control it, and it isn't something you regain over any amount of time. It is a part of who we are. That was one of the hardest things to accept. I obviously LOVED the way the pills made me feel, and I still occasionally crave it. I would have no problem procuring some if I REALLY wanted to, but I know it wouldn't end well. Just one reopens a door that needs to remain shut, and bolted. Else risk pissing away all the money my aunt spent on my Suboxone treatment, on top of hurting her even more than I already have. She is a saint, and I am too terrified to hurt her any more.</p><p></p><p>I hate that my twin is still hurting her. Main reason I do NOT get along with her. I hold no resentment over her abandoning her children on us, as I adore both of them. I don't resent her for stealing from me, as I am no better. I resent that she doesn't seem to care at all about my aunt. My uncle and I are big guys. We can take her abuse. It doesn't hurt us. But it does hurt my aunt more than she is willing to admit. The woman works way too many hours as it is, and my sister seems to do everything she can to prevent her from ever getting any sleep. She has to drive between Reno and Carson multiple times a week, and she does it with very little sleep. She totalled her car 2 years ago because of this, and I do not want it to happen again. She is all I have left. My sister is rarely in the same room as me. I am cordial enough when I do have to be around her, but I prefer not to be. Last year, she was hitting them up for cash. This was when we still had the boy, Chris. We were doing renovations on the townhouse, so my aunt offered her money to come watch the baby. Yup, my aunt paid her to babysit her own child.... She gets here, and you can tell she has been on one, and is coming down. She passes out on the couch immediately, ignoring the baby. I was losing my temper at this point, as was my aunt. I woke her up and had some spirited words for her. I then went upstairs to try and avoid her. She was stomping around the townhouse, screaming profanities and insults at my aunt, and at the baby. My aunt was nearly in tears trying to salvage the situation. Unfortunately, I happened to walk by the room they were in as sister said something VERY cruel to my aunt. I yelled at her, and she started laying in to me. Then I just lost it completely. She was right up in my face, and I ended up headbutting her, laying her out cold. While I believe she really had it coming, my aunt was furious with me... Felt bad for that, but not for headbutting her.... </p><p></p><p>Anyway, my aunt has more than enough bullshit to handle as it is, and the thought of losing her is petrifying. I already lost one mother, and my aunt is way more of a mother to me than my real mom. She requires some medication, too. SSRI and anti-anxiety, as well as the occasional sleep aid. It helps maintain her quality of life, and she deserves that. As do you guys. You're all amazing people who are unfortunately dealing with very difficult situations that you frankly do not deserve. The fact that you are still doing it is testament to your compassion, and strength. The fact that you ONLY take what you take is pretty amazing to me. You are all much stronger than I.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DarkwingPsyduck, post: 687104, member: 20267"] Are you talking about SSRI's or benzos? And you are smart to make the decision not to even try to recreationally use. It is an unfortunate fact all addicts must accept. As much as we'd like to, there is NEVER "just one". While most of us started out purely recreational, we clearly lost our ability to control it, and it isn't something you regain over any amount of time. It is a part of who we are. That was one of the hardest things to accept. I obviously LOVED the way the pills made me feel, and I still occasionally crave it. I would have no problem procuring some if I REALLY wanted to, but I know it wouldn't end well. Just one reopens a door that needs to remain shut, and bolted. Else risk pissing away all the money my aunt spent on my Suboxone treatment, on top of hurting her even more than I already have. She is a saint, and I am too terrified to hurt her any more. I hate that my twin is still hurting her. Main reason I do NOT get along with her. I hold no resentment over her abandoning her children on us, as I adore both of them. I don't resent her for stealing from me, as I am no better. I resent that she doesn't seem to care at all about my aunt. My uncle and I are big guys. We can take her abuse. It doesn't hurt us. But it does hurt my aunt more than she is willing to admit. The woman works way too many hours as it is, and my sister seems to do everything she can to prevent her from ever getting any sleep. She has to drive between Reno and Carson multiple times a week, and she does it with very little sleep. She totalled her car 2 years ago because of this, and I do not want it to happen again. She is all I have left. My sister is rarely in the same room as me. I am cordial enough when I do have to be around her, but I prefer not to be. Last year, she was hitting them up for cash. This was when we still had the boy, Chris. We were doing renovations on the townhouse, so my aunt offered her money to come watch the baby. Yup, my aunt paid her to babysit her own child.... She gets here, and you can tell she has been on one, and is coming down. She passes out on the couch immediately, ignoring the baby. I was losing my temper at this point, as was my aunt. I woke her up and had some spirited words for her. I then went upstairs to try and avoid her. She was stomping around the townhouse, screaming profanities and insults at my aunt, and at the baby. My aunt was nearly in tears trying to salvage the situation. Unfortunately, I happened to walk by the room they were in as sister said something VERY cruel to my aunt. I yelled at her, and she started laying in to me. Then I just lost it completely. She was right up in my face, and I ended up headbutting her, laying her out cold. While I believe she really had it coming, my aunt was furious with me... Felt bad for that, but not for headbutting her.... Anyway, my aunt has more than enough bullshit to handle as it is, and the thought of losing her is petrifying. I already lost one mother, and my aunt is way more of a mother to me than my real mom. She requires some medication, too. SSRI and anti-anxiety, as well as the occasional sleep aid. It helps maintain her quality of life, and she deserves that. As do you guys. You're all amazing people who are unfortunately dealing with very difficult situations that you frankly do not deserve. The fact that you are still doing it is testament to your compassion, and strength. The fact that you ONLY take what you take is pretty amazing to me. You are all much stronger than I. [/QUOTE]
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