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Substance Abuse
A View From The Other Side (Fairly Long)
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<blockquote data-quote="DarkwingPsyduck" data-source="post: 687491" data-attributes="member: 20267"><p>I am glad I can help you. Just as I have shown you a little bit of your son's side of things, this forum showed me your side. And if there is one thing I know for sure, it is that parenting an addict is something only a parent of an addict can truly comprehend. The same way addiction is something only an addict can truly comprehend. It is easy to take everything as a personal attack on you. I understand how it seems like that to you. It is that simple idea that woke me up. God, I love my aunt. I basically worship the ground she walks on. NOBODY has ever put up with my <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> for very long. And I am not being hyperbolic. She is the only one. Literally the only older blood relative that gives two shits about me, or my well being. It was something I'd never experienced. I was so used to my loved ones falling away. I expected the same from this aunt. My uncle is the first man I truly respect. Somebody I believe embodies what a REAL man should be. They are the greatest people I know. And I still <img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/censored2.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":censored2:" title="censored2 :censored2:" data-shortname=":censored2:" /> all over them. Their generosity, they compassion, their understanding, their patience, and their trust. It is such a gradual process that I didn't really notice it. So, if it could make me do all of that to two people I adore, it can make anybody do just about anything. </p><p></p><p>It is important that you come to realize that it is not personal. Even when the attacks are on YOU specifically. The hurtful things we do and say aren't so much done to you. Literally every waking moment, every thought is dominated by our need for our drugs. We don't get any enjoyment from doing that. It is merely a means to an end. I know that I hate the things I did and said. I feel shame, regret, and self loathing for it. But only AFTER getting clean. This shows that it is the drug, not necessarily the person. We can justify it while using, but not while sober. We don't stop loving or feeling. It's just that they are no longer top priority. Drugs are. Everything else is secondary in our mind. This doesn't make it acceptable, nor is it an excuse. But it is an explanation, which I imagine is something the parent of an addict needs. To know that your son isn't gone, and that it isn't your fault. That you are not a failure as a parent.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="DarkwingPsyduck, post: 687491, member: 20267"] I am glad I can help you. Just as I have shown you a little bit of your son's side of things, this forum showed me your side. And if there is one thing I know for sure, it is that parenting an addict is something only a parent of an addict can truly comprehend. The same way addiction is something only an addict can truly comprehend. It is easy to take everything as a personal attack on you. I understand how it seems like that to you. It is that simple idea that woke me up. God, I love my aunt. I basically worship the ground she walks on. NOBODY has ever put up with my :censored2: for very long. And I am not being hyperbolic. She is the only one. Literally the only older blood relative that gives two shits about me, or my well being. It was something I'd never experienced. I was so used to my loved ones falling away. I expected the same from this aunt. My uncle is the first man I truly respect. Somebody I believe embodies what a REAL man should be. They are the greatest people I know. And I still :censored2: all over them. Their generosity, they compassion, their understanding, their patience, and their trust. It is such a gradual process that I didn't really notice it. So, if it could make me do all of that to two people I adore, it can make anybody do just about anything. It is important that you come to realize that it is not personal. Even when the attacks are on YOU specifically. The hurtful things we do and say aren't so much done to you. Literally every waking moment, every thought is dominated by our need for our drugs. We don't get any enjoyment from doing that. It is merely a means to an end. I know that I hate the things I did and said. I feel shame, regret, and self loathing for it. But only AFTER getting clean. This shows that it is the drug, not necessarily the person. We can justify it while using, but not while sober. We don't stop loving or feeling. It's just that they are no longer top priority. Drugs are. Everything else is secondary in our mind. This doesn't make it acceptable, nor is it an excuse. But it is an explanation, which I imagine is something the parent of an addict needs. To know that your son isn't gone, and that it isn't your fault. That you are not a failure as a parent. [/QUOTE]
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