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Substance Abuse
Abandonment issues
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 743823" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>My own son was in an orphanage type situation. When I met him he was on his last legs. He was being raised in a pack of 5 or 6 other toddlers. There was no stimulation. There were three shifts of caretakers. The plus, is that because he was removed at 2 weeks, from his birth parents, because of threats, he was not abused I don't think. My son had minimal contact with birth parents, but no relationship. </p><p></p><p>My own son feels rage at his bio-parents because of drugs, and because he was drug-exposed at birth and got the Hep B. I have not experienced him feeling abandoned. Just anger.</p><p>In my experience, my son does not express feelings of abandonment. Nor does he feel he had any kind of break or good fortune. </p><p></p><p>What he does feel I think is a kind of discontinuity. A break. The only way I can explain it is it looks like he feels like his life began from an explosion, and that he cannot make sense of the pieces. There is no story that he can tell himself or imagine that makes him feel whole. </p><p></p><p>Maybe that is what people talk about as abandonment. The inability to make a coherent story that makes one feel good about themselves. And then the searching for reasons in the self (badness), to justify this inability to find coherence. That is my son's overwhelming feeling: that he is somehow defective, damaged, ruined, because of who his birth parents were, how they lived, and how he was affected by them. But that is not abandonment.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 743823, member: 18958"] My own son was in an orphanage type situation. When I met him he was on his last legs. He was being raised in a pack of 5 or 6 other toddlers. There was no stimulation. There were three shifts of caretakers. The plus, is that because he was removed at 2 weeks, from his birth parents, because of threats, he was not abused I don't think. My son had minimal contact with birth parents, but no relationship. My own son feels rage at his bio-parents because of drugs, and because he was drug-exposed at birth and got the Hep B. I have not experienced him feeling abandoned. Just anger. In my experience, my son does not express feelings of abandonment. Nor does he feel he had any kind of break or good fortune. What he does feel I think is a kind of discontinuity. A break. The only way I can explain it is it looks like he feels like his life began from an explosion, and that he cannot make sense of the pieces. There is no story that he can tell himself or imagine that makes him feel whole. Maybe that is what people talk about as abandonment. The inability to make a coherent story that makes one feel good about themselves. And then the searching for reasons in the self (badness), to justify this inability to find coherence. That is my son's overwhelming feeling: that he is somehow defective, damaged, ruined, because of who his birth parents were, how they lived, and how he was affected by them. But that is not abandonment. [/QUOTE]
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