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Acceptance.....
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621497" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Thank you MWM, Echo and Havehadenough, I so appreciate your support.</p><p></p><p>I've spoken to my daughter a couple of times. I am okay. I continue to see my own signs of recovery and acceptance in this journey. She asked me on Friday night to call a friend of hers on Saturday. I said okay at first but upon further reflection I decided I did not want to do that. When she called on Saturday, I told her I wouldn't be calling her friend, that it didn't feel right. Oddly she accepted my refusal amicably and even more oddly, she then asked me about her daughter's college plans. The evening before I told her we had been working on paperwork for scholarships, so she was inquiring about all of that. </p><p></p><p>We spoke in a way we haven't in many, many years. Just chatting about her daughter's plans, what I'm doing, a casual connection. I did not have the old angst I felt when talking to her, I was still in that neutral zone. I continued to feel acceptance of her.</p><p></p><p>We found out via the roommate that the police had searched his home and that she cannot return there due to that community having some kind of trespassing order against her now. I am not sure of all the details, but I conveyed all of it to her last night when she called. She now has no home to return to when she eventually gets out. And, there may be more legal repercussions, I am not sure. She has a hearing on Monday. </p><p></p><p>She asked me to make another phone call and I said no. I said I would put money on her account and she could make whatever phone calls she wanted, but I was not willing to be involved in any of it accept talking to her. She was initially upset about finding out that she has no home to go to. I was present for that without the feelings of trying to fix it and I told her she was fortunate that for right now, her car is safe, her cats are safe (the roommate said he would take care of them until she got out) her "stuff" is safe, so 'out here' there is nothing to worry about, everything is taken care of as best as can be under the circumstances. There was an unusual lack of drama from her. I think it has something to do with my neutrality and openness........but I am not sure of that. I feel very strong in my own self right now, strong in my convictions of detachment, strong with my boundaries. And, yet, I feel open to her, gentle towards her, compassion and love for her, there is all of this 'space' which surrounds us now, that feels new. </p><p></p><p>I am seeing that with each new moment, I can now trust myself to respond appropriately for ME. She requests something and I can consider the request and I can honestly respond from a good place inside me..........no more blanket statements from me, just staying in the moment and addressing what's in front of me right now. I think that is my learning curve now. Acceptance, staying in the present moment, telling the truth and keeping myself out of thinking about the outcome at all. It is what it is.</p><p></p><p>I don't seem to be getting caught in all the usual 'snags' along the way. That sense of she and I being separate beings remains strong. The feeling of all of us being in the right place remains. I was telling SO last night that separate from the reality of her present predicament, this feels like a deeper opportunity for her and for me to move through what feels like the end of my enabling......... where we are both free to be in our own lives. She has been living in survival mode for so long, being where she is gives her a lot of time to reflect and feel, time one doesn't have when every single day is a fight to survive. She will either take that opportunity or not.............but I am taking my opportunity to show up differently and remain intact. </p><p>Each day is new, each interaction with her is a new opportunity for me to show up, pay attention, tell the truth and let go of the outcome. I am seeing this as a practice.........I am using all the tools I've learned, staying in my center, doing all my self care, placing my daughter in the hands of a higher power and letting go. </p><p></p><p>I see new meaning in the phrase, 'take it one day at a time'........without focusing on the past or the future, each moment is new, right here in the present moment, it's all okay. Dragging the past along and worrying about the future brought so much pain to me.............so this part is new and really,<em> a lot easier too.</em></p><p></p><p>Throughout the day, when I think of her instead of going down the old roads of despair or fear or worry or sorrow or whatever, that thought comes in and then I look around me and realize, okay, in this moment, everything is okay, nothing has changed, I can certainly go down those old paths but I don't think so, I think I'll stay here in this moment and enjoy it. It's working. I think that is as good as it gets.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621497, member: 13542"] Thank you MWM, Echo and Havehadenough, I so appreciate your support. I've spoken to my daughter a couple of times. I am okay. I continue to see my own signs of recovery and acceptance in this journey. She asked me on Friday night to call a friend of hers on Saturday. I said okay at first but upon further reflection I decided I did not want to do that. When she called on Saturday, I told her I wouldn't be calling her friend, that it didn't feel right. Oddly she accepted my refusal amicably and even more oddly, she then asked me about her daughter's college plans. The evening before I told her we had been working on paperwork for scholarships, so she was inquiring about all of that. We spoke in a way we haven't in many, many years. Just chatting about her daughter's plans, what I'm doing, a casual connection. I did not have the old angst I felt when talking to her, I was still in that neutral zone. I continued to feel acceptance of her. We found out via the roommate that the police had searched his home and that she cannot return there due to that community having some kind of trespassing order against her now. I am not sure of all the details, but I conveyed all of it to her last night when she called. She now has no home to return to when she eventually gets out. And, there may be more legal repercussions, I am not sure. She has a hearing on Monday. She asked me to make another phone call and I said no. I said I would put money on her account and she could make whatever phone calls she wanted, but I was not willing to be involved in any of it accept talking to her. She was initially upset about finding out that she has no home to go to. I was present for that without the feelings of trying to fix it and I told her she was fortunate that for right now, her car is safe, her cats are safe (the roommate said he would take care of them until she got out) her "stuff" is safe, so 'out here' there is nothing to worry about, everything is taken care of as best as can be under the circumstances. There was an unusual lack of drama from her. I think it has something to do with my neutrality and openness........but I am not sure of that. I feel very strong in my own self right now, strong in my convictions of detachment, strong with my boundaries. And, yet, I feel open to her, gentle towards her, compassion and love for her, there is all of this 'space' which surrounds us now, that feels new. I am seeing that with each new moment, I can now trust myself to respond appropriately for ME. She requests something and I can consider the request and I can honestly respond from a good place inside me..........no more blanket statements from me, just staying in the moment and addressing what's in front of me right now. I think that is my learning curve now. Acceptance, staying in the present moment, telling the truth and keeping myself out of thinking about the outcome at all. It is what it is. I don't seem to be getting caught in all the usual 'snags' along the way. That sense of she and I being separate beings remains strong. The feeling of all of us being in the right place remains. I was telling SO last night that separate from the reality of her present predicament, this feels like a deeper opportunity for her and for me to move through what feels like the end of my enabling......... where we are both free to be in our own lives. She has been living in survival mode for so long, being where she is gives her a lot of time to reflect and feel, time one doesn't have when every single day is a fight to survive. She will either take that opportunity or not.............but I am taking my opportunity to show up differently and remain intact. Each day is new, each interaction with her is a new opportunity for me to show up, pay attention, tell the truth and let go of the outcome. I am seeing this as a practice.........I am using all the tools I've learned, staying in my center, doing all my self care, placing my daughter in the hands of a higher power and letting go. I see new meaning in the phrase, 'take it one day at a time'........without focusing on the past or the future, each moment is new, right here in the present moment, it's all okay. Dragging the past along and worrying about the future brought so much pain to me.............so this part is new and really,[I] a lot easier too.[/I] Throughout the day, when I think of her instead of going down the old roads of despair or fear or worry or sorrow or whatever, that thought comes in and then I look around me and realize, okay, in this moment, everything is okay, nothing has changed, I can certainly go down those old paths but I don't think so, I think I'll stay here in this moment and enjoy it. It's working. I think that is as good as it gets. [/QUOTE]
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