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Acceptance.....
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621638" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Good morning everyone. Thank you for your support. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>I've been looking into that question lately........it feels like the final chapter in my book of enabling. I am not sure what the new book will be entitled..........I'm hoping something like <em>The adventures of RE on her quest for joy, peace, travel, laughter, good food and fun! </em> In 6 months my granddaughter will be off to college. My working days are leaning more and more into retirement..........<em>.change is definitely afoot.</em></p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Seems somehow all appropriate now, all the pieces falling into place. Letting my granddaughter go is a process, but it's the normal trajectory of a child growing into adulthood and the parent slowly but effectively, letting go. My daughter will be in jail for 60 days, so from the arrest it looks like she will be out on April 23. That timing feels right to me, for ME to get comfortable and better at this separation and for her, well, for her to do whatever she does.......I have no more illusions that she will change, if she does, she does, if she doesn't, she doesn't. But, that timing will allow me to strengthen my new SELF and when she gets out, I imagine I will be in a good place to wish her well on her journey, with both of us knowing, she is now on it without me. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Thank you for that FHW, I have often said those exact words, ENOUGH already! It's good to see you! It feels as if I am sweeping out the final remnants of the old family issues........no more sandwich, <em>just me alone as the main course...........</em></p><p><em></em></p><p>There is this odd freedom with my daughter tucked away in jail. All of the worrisome components, her cats, her car, her stuff..........all taken care of. Her basic needs covered and she is 'relatively' safe. There is NOTHING for me to do or think about now. In an odd way, I am free, perhaps a training ground of what is to come when she gets out. But, for now, I can empty my brain of any nagging thoughts about her and simply be in my own life. The remaining cords of our negative connection are being broken. </p><p></p><p>I feel hopeful. For me. I feel as if the world is opening up...........after being closed down in my focus on my daughter, my mother, my granddaughter, my sister...........that focus on the "other" prevented me from really seeing.............seeing what is really out there........right in front of me...........</p><p></p><p>I had a bad day yesterday. Not really about my daughter, just a pile of stuff that encircled me as the day wore on until I got home and just collapsed. I was reading my new favorite book, <u>Living Beautifully</u> about how to go into the feelings without a story line, without any interpretations or words attached to the feelings......she said it was a practice to use everything as a means of 'awakening', of being in the present moment, of coming to grips with the impermanence and chaos and uncertainty of life.............this seems important to me right now........I feel as if I am learning something so valuable about living, about being human, about living in that uncertainty without control, without my story, without fear.............and actually being okay. </p><p></p><p>The odd thing is that I would not have been able to see any of this if I hadn't gone through all of this detachment and acceptance with my entire family............I'm not quite in a feeling of gratitude about all that pain yet, but it feels as if I am headed there..........as in everything else, one step at a time.........one tiny step..........I am grateful today though, grateful for the remarkable ability we humans have to change. Amazing.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621638, member: 13542"] Good morning everyone. Thank you for your support. I've been looking into that question lately........it feels like the final chapter in my book of enabling. I am not sure what the new book will be entitled..........I'm hoping something like [I]The adventures of RE on her quest for joy, peace, travel, laughter, good food and fun! [/I] In 6 months my granddaughter will be off to college. My working days are leaning more and more into retirement..........[I].change is definitely afoot.[/I] Seems somehow all appropriate now, all the pieces falling into place. Letting my granddaughter go is a process, but it's the normal trajectory of a child growing into adulthood and the parent slowly but effectively, letting go. My daughter will be in jail for 60 days, so from the arrest it looks like she will be out on April 23. That timing feels right to me, for ME to get comfortable and better at this separation and for her, well, for her to do whatever she does.......I have no more illusions that she will change, if she does, she does, if she doesn't, she doesn't. But, that timing will allow me to strengthen my new SELF and when she gets out, I imagine I will be in a good place to wish her well on her journey, with both of us knowing, she is now on it without me. Thank you for that FHW, I have often said those exact words, ENOUGH already! It's good to see you! It feels as if I am sweeping out the final remnants of the old family issues........no more sandwich, [I]just me alone as the main course........... [/I] There is this odd freedom with my daughter tucked away in jail. All of the worrisome components, her cats, her car, her stuff..........all taken care of. Her basic needs covered and she is 'relatively' safe. There is NOTHING for me to do or think about now. In an odd way, I am free, perhaps a training ground of what is to come when she gets out. But, for now, I can empty my brain of any nagging thoughts about her and simply be in my own life. The remaining cords of our negative connection are being broken. I feel hopeful. For me. I feel as if the world is opening up...........after being closed down in my focus on my daughter, my mother, my granddaughter, my sister...........that focus on the "other" prevented me from really seeing.............seeing what is really out there........right in front of me........... I had a bad day yesterday. Not really about my daughter, just a pile of stuff that encircled me as the day wore on until I got home and just collapsed. I was reading my new favorite book, [U]Living Beautifully[/U] about how to go into the feelings without a story line, without any interpretations or words attached to the feelings......she said it was a practice to use everything as a means of 'awakening', of being in the present moment, of coming to grips with the impermanence and chaos and uncertainty of life.............this seems important to me right now........I feel as if I am learning something so valuable about living, about being human, about living in that uncertainty without control, without my story, without fear.............and actually being okay. The odd thing is that I would not have been able to see any of this if I hadn't gone through all of this detachment and acceptance with my entire family............I'm not quite in a feeling of gratitude about all that pain yet, but it feels as if I am headed there..........as in everything else, one step at a time.........one tiny step..........I am grateful today though, grateful for the remarkable ability we humans have to change. Amazing. [/QUOTE]
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