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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 621699" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Thanks Cedar. I understand what you are saying. Being <u>fully</u> present with another is a remarkable and very tender and beautiful experience. It does not require words.</p><p></p><p> There was a time in my life where I volunteered to work with people who were dying. Even though it could be looked at as depressing and sad, and of course, it was..........it was probably where I learned the most about living. Facing death I think really places you right in the present moment without any BS to cloud your view..........people can get REAL. Sitting with death like that brought the preciousness of living home to me in a very profound way. </p><p></p><p>I can recall this one very young man, 28 years old, days away from his final moments. I asked him if his dying had taught him anything. He said, "yes, it's taught me to be with people who love me the way I want to be loved." That comment impacted me and I never forgot it. As the layers of life start to dissolve as we start passing from life, love is what seems to be uppermost on people's minds. I learned so much from all of those folks making their final journey. It also gave me some insights into how to be present because often, people didn't want to chat, they simply wanted my presence, for me to be fully there with them. </p><p></p><p>It was so fascinating to me as I watched relatives and friends show up and their discomfort and uneasiness was so evident.........I watched the dying person search for that presence and so often be disappointed while the visitor was so distraught or fearful or whatever, but rarely were they present. </p><p></p><p>That's the presence I am attempting to bring to the connection with my daughter. It's hard to do too. But, like everything else, it's a practice. If you think about it, can't you really tell when someone is NOT present with you? And, think about when you really do feel that presence and how much that means and how much it changes the dynamic of the connection. </p><p></p><p>I think when I was in enabling mode, I was not at all present, I was operating out of what I either thought I should be doing, or out of fear, or my own 'stuff' but I was not present. I think that also has to do with having the capacity to be in the present moment and not in the past or in the future or worried or constantly ruminating, or allowing our minds to hold court in our heads judging and continually evaluating and analyzing, geez, it's exhausting!</p><p></p><p>Yeah Cedar, I think being fully present is an art, a skill which, at least for me, deserves attention and practice.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 621699, member: 13542"] Thanks Cedar. I understand what you are saying. Being [U]fully[/U] present with another is a remarkable and very tender and beautiful experience. It does not require words. There was a time in my life where I volunteered to work with people who were dying. Even though it could be looked at as depressing and sad, and of course, it was..........it was probably where I learned the most about living. Facing death I think really places you right in the present moment without any BS to cloud your view..........people can get REAL. Sitting with death like that brought the preciousness of living home to me in a very profound way. I can recall this one very young man, 28 years old, days away from his final moments. I asked him if his dying had taught him anything. He said, "yes, it's taught me to be with people who love me the way I want to be loved." That comment impacted me and I never forgot it. As the layers of life start to dissolve as we start passing from life, love is what seems to be uppermost on people's minds. I learned so much from all of those folks making their final journey. It also gave me some insights into how to be present because often, people didn't want to chat, they simply wanted my presence, for me to be fully there with them. It was so fascinating to me as I watched relatives and friends show up and their discomfort and uneasiness was so evident.........I watched the dying person search for that presence and so often be disappointed while the visitor was so distraught or fearful or whatever, but rarely were they present. That's the presence I am attempting to bring to the connection with my daughter. It's hard to do too. But, like everything else, it's a practice. If you think about it, can't you really tell when someone is NOT present with you? And, think about when you really do feel that presence and how much that means and how much it changes the dynamic of the connection. I think when I was in enabling mode, I was not at all present, I was operating out of what I either thought I should be doing, or out of fear, or my own 'stuff' but I was not present. I think that also has to do with having the capacity to be in the present moment and not in the past or in the future or worried or constantly ruminating, or allowing our minds to hold court in our heads judging and continually evaluating and analyzing, geez, it's exhausting! Yeah Cedar, I think being fully present is an art, a skill which, at least for me, deserves attention and practice. [/QUOTE]
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