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Ack - Enabling??
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<blockquote data-quote="Signorina" data-source="post: 478780"><p>Since about the time our kids turned age 9 or so (4th grade), our house mantra has been "your privileges (as a member of this family) are in direct correlation to how you are handling your responsibilities (as a member of this family)"</p><p></p><p></p><p>Now this was long before ds#1 turned into a difficult child. We tried to teach our boys that advanced privileges require advanced maturity and decision making skills - if they couldn't handle their current responsibilities - there was no way they were ready to take on additional privileges. </p><p></p><p>Now of course, responsibilities was equal to mostly school work - I was a stickler about turning in homework and assignments on time. I can understand the occasional bad test - but blowing off homework? No Way! Chores were also a consideration. If their grades were good, chores were done without reminders - if they were succeeding as good boys and good students -- I was very open to an extra hour of video games, or later curfews, more car time, etc, etc</p><p></p><p>Right now, it seems like your difficult child is doing a pretty good job with staying sober - and that's his primary responsibility TODAY. And he is staying in touch and being pleasant to his mama. I'd say you are OK to cut him a bit of slack with the bus pass. He came to you first. Didn't give you a song and a dance with how or why he lost it. That would be a big step for my kid. That's when I know he's in a good place - when he owns his mistakes and can be a little self deprecating. Another good sign - wanting to shave. When my boy is clean and groomed and dressing well - life is good. So, I'd say you are ok to cut him a bit of slack with needing more personal care items.</p><p></p><p>So follow your instincts - help him out for now but be ready to be more hard nosed in the future. </p><p></p><p><img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Signorina, post: 478780"] Since about the time our kids turned age 9 or so (4th grade), our house mantra has been "your privileges (as a member of this family) are in direct correlation to how you are handling your responsibilities (as a member of this family)" Now this was long before ds#1 turned into a difficult child. We tried to teach our boys that advanced privileges require advanced maturity and decision making skills - if they couldn't handle their current responsibilities - there was no way they were ready to take on additional privileges. Now of course, responsibilities was equal to mostly school work - I was a stickler about turning in homework and assignments on time. I can understand the occasional bad test - but blowing off homework? No Way! Chores were also a consideration. If their grades were good, chores were done without reminders - if they were succeeding as good boys and good students -- I was very open to an extra hour of video games, or later curfews, more car time, etc, etc Right now, it seems like your difficult child is doing a pretty good job with staying sober - and that's his primary responsibility TODAY. And he is staying in touch and being pleasant to his mama. I'd say you are OK to cut him a bit of slack with the bus pass. He came to you first. Didn't give you a song and a dance with how or why he lost it. That would be a big step for my kid. That's when I know he's in a good place - when he owns his mistakes and can be a little self deprecating. Another good sign - wanting to shave. When my boy is clean and groomed and dressing well - life is good. So, I'd say you are ok to cut him a bit of slack with needing more personal care items. So follow your instincts - help him out for now but be ready to be more hard nosed in the future. :-) [/QUOTE]
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