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Ack - Enabling??
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<blockquote data-quote="toughlovin" data-source="post: 478950"><p>Thanks Everyone, you are all right and have given me some ideas. Ggf called again today because he is out of money and wants cigarettes!!!! Dhs first reaction was no we are not giving you anymore money... we were in the car so I heard his side of the convo and I was sort of in on it. I basically said that is why you keep running out of money, because of the cost of cigarettes...so they talked about that. We did say we would help pay for help in stopping smoking (ie a patch). My son was asking for enough for 2 packs, my husband finally compromised and transferred enough for 1 pack. </p><p></p><p>I sanctioned this which I no is absolutely not tough love. I am not living up to my name am I? It was a compromise... and I know for me it is about getting him up here on Monday for court and back down there on Tuesday. I had a nightmare about him being in prison somewhere in the south last night. I am nervous about it all. So in essense it was a peace keeping move on our part. That said my son was very polite during the whole conversation and appreciative for the one pack. I know that is pure manipulation but really in the past he hasn't been able to even do that... when he is using he is rude and demanding and when the conversation gets tough he gets nasty.... so he didn't do that at least.</p><p></p><p>We are going to talk to him when he is here about needing to keep to a budget. I am sure he is also nervous about coming back here.... so that is what we did today.</p><p></p><p>You all will have to think of us Monday and Tuesday!!!</p><p></p><p>TL</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="toughlovin, post: 478950"] Thanks Everyone, you are all right and have given me some ideas. Ggf called again today because he is out of money and wants cigarettes!!!! Dhs first reaction was no we are not giving you anymore money... we were in the car so I heard his side of the convo and I was sort of in on it. I basically said that is why you keep running out of money, because of the cost of cigarettes...so they talked about that. We did say we would help pay for help in stopping smoking (ie a patch). My son was asking for enough for 2 packs, my husband finally compromised and transferred enough for 1 pack. I sanctioned this which I no is absolutely not tough love. I am not living up to my name am I? It was a compromise... and I know for me it is about getting him up here on Monday for court and back down there on Tuesday. I had a nightmare about him being in prison somewhere in the south last night. I am nervous about it all. So in essense it was a peace keeping move on our part. That said my son was very polite during the whole conversation and appreciative for the one pack. I know that is pure manipulation but really in the past he hasn't been able to even do that... when he is using he is rude and demanding and when the conversation gets tough he gets nasty.... so he didn't do that at least. We are going to talk to him when he is here about needing to keep to a budget. I am sure he is also nervous about coming back here.... so that is what we did today. You all will have to think of us Monday and Tuesday!!! TL [/QUOTE]
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