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Adult children who steal and manipulate
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 757999" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>First let me say how sorry I am that you find yourself in this tough spot. There's nothing easy about it. You know the saying: "Kill the messenger." It expresses a truth. There is no gain in bearing the bad news. But the thing is, I don't see how you had any other choice.</p><p></p><p>The driver in this whole situation is your stepdaughter. She decided to prey on her father's business even knowing that he was in dire straits. What kind of person does this? I will answer what I think: a person who is addicted to drugs; somebody who lacks a sense of right or wrong or doesn't care if they do wrong; somebody without a sense of adequate reality testing; somebody who has serious mood instability; somebody who is desperate, for example, being blackmailed, etc. </p><p></p><p>But the thing is, she's responsible, not you. Your husband's life and livelihood are at stake, and yours too. You have a responsibility to be transparent with your husband, I think, regardless of his ability to deal with this hard, hard reality. After all, he's in a desperate situation. How much can he take? </p><p></p><p>I don't think you should expect yourself to get over it that quickly. At the same time, I would understand why he might want you to. After all, he must be in deep pain. I think two people, even a couple, can legitimately have different needs and hold different ideas about important things, and that's okay. The important thing is for you to realize you're right. You're entitled to feel as you do. She did wrong. You did not. At the same time you have no control here, over how long it takes your husband to come to grips with this. I think he deserves that you have patience with him. After all, he did let her go. He protected himself, you, and the business to that extent.</p><p></p><p>Here on this board if often takes people many years to come to grips with their children's behavior and what they need to do. I was one of the slow learners. Finally, I did learn. But it was on my own time table. </p><p></p><p>Welcome. I am glad you found us. Let me reiterate. I agree with the others. Your stepdaughter is gaslighting. She is perpetuating the same behavior, justifying whatever she wants, whatever she needs, in order to stay the same. She is scapegoating you, in order to escape in her own mind culpability and responsibility. All of this makes her bad, bad news. I am sorry for you, and for your husband.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 757999, member: 18958"] First let me say how sorry I am that you find yourself in this tough spot. There's nothing easy about it. You know the saying: "Kill the messenger." It expresses a truth. There is no gain in bearing the bad news. But the thing is, I don't see how you had any other choice. The driver in this whole situation is your stepdaughter. She decided to prey on her father's business even knowing that he was in dire straits. What kind of person does this? I will answer what I think: a person who is addicted to drugs; somebody who lacks a sense of right or wrong or doesn't care if they do wrong; somebody without a sense of adequate reality testing; somebody who has serious mood instability; somebody who is desperate, for example, being blackmailed, etc. But the thing is, she's responsible, not you. Your husband's life and livelihood are at stake, and yours too. You have a responsibility to be transparent with your husband, I think, regardless of his ability to deal with this hard, hard reality. After all, he's in a desperate situation. How much can he take? I don't think you should expect yourself to get over it that quickly. At the same time, I would understand why he might want you to. After all, he must be in deep pain. I think two people, even a couple, can legitimately have different needs and hold different ideas about important things, and that's okay. The important thing is for you to realize you're right. You're entitled to feel as you do. She did wrong. You did not. At the same time you have no control here, over how long it takes your husband to come to grips with this. I think he deserves that you have patience with him. After all, he did let her go. He protected himself, you, and the business to that extent. Here on this board if often takes people many years to come to grips with their children's behavior and what they need to do. I was one of the slow learners. Finally, I did learn. But it was on my own time table. Welcome. I am glad you found us. Let me reiterate. I agree with the others. Your stepdaughter is gaslighting. She is perpetuating the same behavior, justifying whatever she wants, whatever she needs, in order to stay the same. She is scapegoating you, in order to escape in her own mind culpability and responsibility. All of this makes her bad, bad news. I am sorry for you, and for your husband. [/QUOTE]
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