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Adult children who stop talking to you
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 466950" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I like his advice.</p><p></p><p>I adopted a child from Hong Kong at age six. He was never a difficult child, but once he married his wife it was never the same and he stopped talking to the entire family, except his father (who I am divorced from, and he's not all that nice to him either). His wife is a control freak, but so is he, maybe because of all those years spent in an orphanage. I tried everything to get into contact with him only to find out that he mocked my letters and even archived all of them in his computer. I finally got him and his wife to meet with me at his church (He is a strong Christian (um, yep!). He was very cold and handed me a list of ridiculously strict conditions if I wanted to see him, such as every single time I called him I would have to leave a message explaining my specific reason for calling or he would not call me back. That's one of the less silly conditions. </p><p></p><p>The things he thought I did wrong were partly his own perception with his wife believing every word and dabbing at her eyes. He did not miss us. He did not particularly want to reconcile. We have not spoken since, but at least I had closure. I needed to know WHY he was doing this and, after he explained, I decided that it would be best for me to "let go and let God." I have four other kids who love me. I refuse to let this one young man ruin my life.</p><p></p><p>How long will you be "punished?" I think in your case your kids will make contact with you again. After all, you raised them from birth and they did not live in an orphanage for six years. The parental attachment is strong. I have a question for you to ask yourself? Are you better off with them in your life? If so, prepare how you will respond when they do contact you. My own advice is to act dignified, not grateful for the crumbs. These particular kind of kids in my opinion do not respect you if you fawn all over them and don't expect to be treated well...and don't respect yourself. It doesn't work...you feel cheated and angry...if they can walk all over you with the threat that they will not see you if they can't treat you like trash.</p><p></p><p>One thing I got out of the meeting my my estranged son...I felt that a chapter had been closed and that I at least did not let him...or her...break me. I did not cry. I had his list of demands in my hands to remind me of what a control freak he is and, sadly, a judging and unforgiving person. in my opinion it is best to concentrate on those who love and respect you...you can not control your kids, but you can control how YOU live your life. Please don't let them hold you hostage emotionally. I know it's EXTREMELY hard, but you have a life, with or without them. Live it.</p><p></p><p>Keep us posted <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 466950, member: 1550"] I like his advice. I adopted a child from Hong Kong at age six. He was never a difficult child, but once he married his wife it was never the same and he stopped talking to the entire family, except his father (who I am divorced from, and he's not all that nice to him either). His wife is a control freak, but so is he, maybe because of all those years spent in an orphanage. I tried everything to get into contact with him only to find out that he mocked my letters and even archived all of them in his computer. I finally got him and his wife to meet with me at his church (He is a strong Christian (um, yep!). He was very cold and handed me a list of ridiculously strict conditions if I wanted to see him, such as every single time I called him I would have to leave a message explaining my specific reason for calling or he would not call me back. That's one of the less silly conditions. The things he thought I did wrong were partly his own perception with his wife believing every word and dabbing at her eyes. He did not miss us. He did not particularly want to reconcile. We have not spoken since, but at least I had closure. I needed to know WHY he was doing this and, after he explained, I decided that it would be best for me to "let go and let God." I have four other kids who love me. I refuse to let this one young man ruin my life. How long will you be "punished?" I think in your case your kids will make contact with you again. After all, you raised them from birth and they did not live in an orphanage for six years. The parental attachment is strong. I have a question for you to ask yourself? Are you better off with them in your life? If so, prepare how you will respond when they do contact you. My own advice is to act dignified, not grateful for the crumbs. These particular kind of kids in my opinion do not respect you if you fawn all over them and don't expect to be treated well...and don't respect yourself. It doesn't work...you feel cheated and angry...if they can walk all over you with the threat that they will not see you if they can't treat you like trash. One thing I got out of the meeting my my estranged son...I felt that a chapter had been closed and that I at least did not let him...or her...break me. I did not cry. I had his list of demands in my hands to remind me of what a control freak he is and, sadly, a judging and unforgiving person. in my opinion it is best to concentrate on those who love and respect you...you can not control your kids, but you can control how YOU live your life. Please don't let them hold you hostage emotionally. I know it's EXTREMELY hard, but you have a life, with or without them. Live it. Keep us posted :) [/QUOTE]
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