COM, you are so right in your description of how cold and calculating her actions were. The snake analogy is very appropriate. As for the empathy, compassion, love, responsibility, and attention, there obviously was none despite her ongoing effort to pretend which she did absolutetly flawlessly. I had no doubt she had those qualitities because she demonstrated them and more every day. One the topic of acceptance, so far I seemed to have few problems accepting who she turned out to be once I discovered the depth and breath of her treachry. Was it horrible? Yes. Was it devastiating? Yes. Is it still unbelieveable? Absolutely. But, it was not hard to deny once all the truth came out. Again, we have had it easier than some of you who have heard promise after promise that your difficult child will change. We have been spared that.
You spoke of loving your child. I totally understand how and why you do. I would too if I were in your shoes, I am sure. I cannot say the same for me and it feels so surreal. I don't know what I feel at this point. I can't say I feel love. Maybe someday, depending on circumstances. At this point, I feel like she is just someone I thought I knew and loved with every part of my being. I can't love who she is now.
DammitJanet-there is no doubt in my mind that she had everything planned, maybe not in its entirity, but clearly for days and weeks in advance of what she intended to do. I had to laugh though when you described yourself as a a former difficult child. You have to admit that my daughter makes your former self look like an amateur. Given your circumstances, it is not wonder you had difficulties. So glad, things got better for you. As a person who was blessed with an incredible mother, I cannot imagine how you and others in your shoes lived through it.
SuZir- You are correct in your assessment that we never had any major issues with her as a kid. I had forgotten to make that clear. We experienced some of what we considered fairly normal teenage antics but nothing that she was not held accountable for and for which she expressed what seemed to be sincere remorse. She was an underachiever scholastically but had lots of friends and hardly ever missed school. When we grew concerned about the public school she was in, we switched her to a Christian school where the worst trouble she got into with the administration was a one day expulsion for wearing a logo on her polo shirt. Her teachers liked her.
I pray you are correct in that we will be able to see our little grandchildren at some point. That is perhaps the greatest loss of all.
Witzend- thank you so much for your suggestion. I totally agree and really messed up when I included a couple of names I had not edited out. I am not so concerned about her finding me since she can do that any day of the week, but I absolutely did not mean to put names in there. Actually, your post helped me in a different way as well. I thought I was doing fine with all this and able to weather things pretty well, but today after I realized I had made that mistake I had an anxiety attack and back spasm. Funny how our minds work. That told me that I was not as tough as I thought I was if a small mistake can send me into such a tizzy. That also told me maybe I needed to take a little better care of myself whatever that means. I will try to edit accordingly and hope I can make the corrections. Thank you again for caring.
Midwest Mom- I agree with your assessment that she has to be brilliant to have pulled this off. Clearly she did not have to resort to the things she did. She had everything she needed to be something wonderful. She actually did start her own business and I actually did meet one of her clients. Later on though, she stopped actually working at the business and just used it to explain why to her husband and us why she had always money.
