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Adult daughter stole entire life savings
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<blockquote data-quote="Childofmine" data-source="post: 628729" data-attributes="member: 17542"><p>Jeanne, I <u><strong>so</strong></u> get what you wrote above. I think it shows how "normal" we are, what you said above. </p><p></p><p>Because we still care about someone we gave birth to, even though that person has chosen to do all kinds of things that we could never have imagined, and do not in any way support or condone, and would never even consider doing ourselves. </p><p></p><p>These are our CHILDREN. These are people we did every single thing in the world for so they could survive. </p><p></p><p>What a wonderful and miraculous system God created when he deigned to have people give birth to other people---tiny, helpless precious people---and through that love and support and nurturing---through the very food that they receive, all from us----they become more precious to us than gold. Than anything. Ever.</p><p></p><p>We learn how to give and love and go outside ourselves. It is the highest possible calling, I believe. </p><p></p><p>And then these people, who we nurtured and loved so completely, they turn on us like your daughter has done to you. </p><p></p><p>They steal from us and lie to us and use us like my son has done to me.</p><p></p><p>I know it's mental illness. I know it's addiction. And on some level, this is not them. But it is still them.</p><p></p><p>Do they feel remorse, guilt, shame? I don't know if your daughter has or not. </p><p></p><p>My son has never said he is sorry for all that he has done and all that he has put me through over the past years. I don't know if he is sorry or not. He is sweet and kind and loving, most of the time. Sometimes he is not, especially when he has decided I am going to do something for him, and I stand firm in my No. </p><p></p><p>I also know it's not about me. And your daughter's cold-eyed, calculating behavior is not really about you, Jeanne. </p><p></p><p>It is about them. </p><p></p><p>This morning, in an Al-Anon meeting, someone talked about how she doesn't know what it is to crave alcohol or drugs so completely that she would do ANYTHING to get them. And she has worked through all of her negative feelings over the years to today, when she feels compassion for that person.</p><p></p><p>I have flashes of tremendous compassion for my son. Especially when I don't have to bear frequent witness to his behavior and his thinking, and especially now, that I have taken lots of precautions to guard against his predatory ways. </p><p></p><p>I also have compassion for your daughter. For the life she must be living, because even if she doesn't feel remorse for what she has done, and is still smirking to herself about what she has "gotten away with", she has lost you, and she has lost her father, two people who loved her more than themselves. She will soon find out how rare that kind of love is, Jeanne. </p><p></p><p>I am just sorry for what she does not even possibly know or realize. </p><p></p><p>We can still love people who appear to be unlovable by all accounts. I want to still love my son. I don't want to stop, even though it hurts very badly, now, most of the time. </p><p></p><p>It sounds like you still love your daughter, and that is so understandable to me if you do. </p><p></p><p>We can give love freely, still, from a wide and vast distance, for years if necessary. A man in Al-Anon today talked about that. When he divorced his wife, his three sons' mother, after years of her alcoholism, they completely cut him out of their lives. They completely sided with their mother, and he never said to them that he left because of her alcoholism. He said she was a good mother and a good person, and he just wasn't going to do that, to them or to her. </p><p></p><p>So they cut him off completely. For years. Every Christmas, every birthday, every occasion, he wrote them letters, sent them cards, sent them gifts, and got no response. He worked hard in Al-Anon to accept their behavior and their unknowing, and he continued to love them, no matter what they did or said. He said he left it up to God, and God's time. He said he learned about patience and acceptance and compassion. And now, so many years later, his three sons have come back to him. He said they have a wonderful relationship today, all of them. He simply waited. And while he waited he loved them.</p><p></p><p>I love that he did that. That story is very inspiring to me. He was the bigger and better person, and in the end, he got back what he had lost.</p><p></p><p>I pray that happens to all of us on this board. Happy Father's Day.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Childofmine, post: 628729, member: 17542"] Jeanne, I [U][B]so[/B][/U] get what you wrote above. I think it shows how "normal" we are, what you said above. Because we still care about someone we gave birth to, even though that person has chosen to do all kinds of things that we could never have imagined, and do not in any way support or condone, and would never even consider doing ourselves. These are our CHILDREN. These are people we did every single thing in the world for so they could survive. What a wonderful and miraculous system God created when he deigned to have people give birth to other people---tiny, helpless precious people---and through that love and support and nurturing---through the very food that they receive, all from us----they become more precious to us than gold. Than anything. Ever. We learn how to give and love and go outside ourselves. It is the highest possible calling, I believe. And then these people, who we nurtured and loved so completely, they turn on us like your daughter has done to you. They steal from us and lie to us and use us like my son has done to me. I know it's mental illness. I know it's addiction. And on some level, this is not them. But it is still them. Do they feel remorse, guilt, shame? I don't know if your daughter has or not. My son has never said he is sorry for all that he has done and all that he has put me through over the past years. I don't know if he is sorry or not. He is sweet and kind and loving, most of the time. Sometimes he is not, especially when he has decided I am going to do something for him, and I stand firm in my No. I also know it's not about me. And your daughter's cold-eyed, calculating behavior is not really about you, Jeanne. It is about them. This morning, in an Al-Anon meeting, someone talked about how she doesn't know what it is to crave alcohol or drugs so completely that she would do ANYTHING to get them. And she has worked through all of her negative feelings over the years to today, when she feels compassion for that person. I have flashes of tremendous compassion for my son. Especially when I don't have to bear frequent witness to his behavior and his thinking, and especially now, that I have taken lots of precautions to guard against his predatory ways. I also have compassion for your daughter. For the life she must be living, because even if she doesn't feel remorse for what she has done, and is still smirking to herself about what she has "gotten away with", she has lost you, and she has lost her father, two people who loved her more than themselves. She will soon find out how rare that kind of love is, Jeanne. I am just sorry for what she does not even possibly know or realize. We can still love people who appear to be unlovable by all accounts. I want to still love my son. I don't want to stop, even though it hurts very badly, now, most of the time. It sounds like you still love your daughter, and that is so understandable to me if you do. We can give love freely, still, from a wide and vast distance, for years if necessary. A man in Al-Anon today talked about that. When he divorced his wife, his three sons' mother, after years of her alcoholism, they completely cut him out of their lives. They completely sided with their mother, and he never said to them that he left because of her alcoholism. He said she was a good mother and a good person, and he just wasn't going to do that, to them or to her. So they cut him off completely. For years. Every Christmas, every birthday, every occasion, he wrote them letters, sent them cards, sent them gifts, and got no response. He worked hard in Al-Anon to accept their behavior and their unknowing, and he continued to love them, no matter what they did or said. He said he left it up to God, and God's time. He said he learned about patience and acceptance and compassion. And now, so many years later, his three sons have come back to him. He said they have a wonderful relationship today, all of them. He simply waited. And while he waited he loved them. I love that he did that. That story is very inspiring to me. He was the bigger and better person, and in the end, he got back what he had lost. I pray that happens to all of us on this board. Happy Father's Day. [/QUOTE]
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