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Adult daughter stole entire life savings
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<blockquote data-quote="jeanne in CA" data-source="post: 628983" data-attributes="member: 18036"><p>Cedar, thank you so very much for your thoughtful response. I appreciate so much the time you took and the insight you provided me with. In thinking of the term, "fog" I have to admit that it doesn't resonate for me at this point. I was certainly in a fog before when everything was happening and I couldn't see my way out of the morass. Once I discovered what had happened and who was responsible, it was like I stepped into a clearing with a crystalized view of everything. Granted, it was and continues to be devastating, but I could see CLEARLY for the first time in several years. Every question had an answer and the answers were all the same. Our daughter had done it all. The only question remaining today is why, and as time passes, even that seems less important. The psychiatrist I am consulting with told me I would go nuts trying to figure out the why, and I think he is right. Emotionally, I am simply numb, unable to feel much at all except a drive to continue this until whatever the right things happen, whatever they are. Perhaps then, I will feel whatever I need to feel. I believe you when you say by that time, I will be able to bear it. As you suggest, I will put the fear away for now, and have faith that I will be able to deal with eventually seeing her. I know exactly what you mean when you say it is a timeless place, that enables us to go on.</p><p>For us, there are no options, but to go on. If not, she wins everything, and we are determined to keep that from happening. It is kind of like if you find yourself walking in the ocean with your pockets full of rocks, do you let the rocks carry you to the bottom, or do you unload the rocks? We are unloading the rocks. We are determined that the betrayal will not kill us.</p><p>I take comfort in your words that she will survive and at some point, be grateful for the opportunity to start again. I believe the first, I have doubts about the second. I pray you are correct, for if so, not all is lost.</p><p>Perhaps, you are correct, simply accepting what she has done, without making excuses for her and without hading from the truth no matter how ugly, is all I can expect from myself at this point. I am tremenously grateful that I finally discovered it all. Several times a week, I hear from the detective who is working so diligently on the case. Even he, with all his experience, finds it simply astounding.</p><p>Here is another example:</p><p><strong>The August 2, 2011 wedding-</strong> In July 2011, while our daughter, her dad and I were in PA, she informed me she was pregnant and she and her then fiance wanted to get married right away. They were engaged by that time so, although her dad and I were not happy about the timing of everything, we supported their decision. We had just closed on the house in PA and she and her dad were not speaking (that was another financial mess that she had been responsible for, the details are in one of the 23 reports I gave to the police) so this latest development didn’t help any. I was extremely upset about the financial and familial problems, the situation between her and her dad, and the additional stress associated with the pregnancy and upcoming nuptials. However, I knew that stressing out would not solve anything so I set about trying to fix things.</p><p>As soon as we returned to CA I took her shopping for a wedding gown. I told her I wanted all the wedding expenses to come out of my checking account because her dad’s account was running low. We went gown shopping all over and finally found one that I thought her dad and I could afford. I remember paying for the gown with a check and actually standing at the register silently praying that the check would not bounce. As soon as she and I came back to our house she showed me a picture of a gown she saw in a magazine that had a beautiful bejeweled cummerbund. The cummerbund alone cost more than the dress I had just bought her. I told her I knew I could make that cummerbund myself if that was what she wanted. She said she did. I duplicated it almost exactly. The only significant difference was that instead of purchasing the jewels necessary to embellish the cummerbund, I embellished hers cummerbund with a beautiful vintage broach of my own and a matching necklace her dad had given me to wear with my mom’s gown when he and I got married. She told me she loved it. As for me, the mother of the bride, I decided to wear a dress I already owned rather than stress out about how I would pay for something new.</p><p>As for the wedding itself, she and her fiance made all the arrangements for it take place in northern CA with only the very immediate family in attendance. Up until two days before the wedding, her dad and she were still not talking. She maintained that if her dad was still mad at her she would absolutely not have him walk her down the aisle. Her dad maintained that that was fine with him. I was sick to death of the antagonism and spoke to them each separately. I told them that they each needed to put their negative feelings aside and see this event for what it was, namely the opportunity for her dad to walk his daughter down the aisle and for her to have her father’s love and support as she married the man she loved. I told them that I believed that they if they did not, they would regret it the rest of their lives. I told them that the wedding would be forever tainted by the memory of her dad not being there with her. Eventually they both acquiesced.</p><p>The day before the wedding I drove her to the wedding cite to make sure everything was in place. We spent the night. The next day she and I spent getting her ready. We have pictures of me fixing her hair, helping her into her gown, and generally doing what mothers of brides do. I thought she looked gorgeous. I was temporarily able to set aside my stress long enough to see her dad walk her down the aisle and be married. I was in tears, of course. Her dad and I took all the guests out to eat after the ceremony and then left for home. The newlyweds were spending the night there and and then driving to their honeymoon location the next day. On the drive back to our home, her dad and and I discussed what a good thing it was that he and she had declared a truce long enough for them to be together at her wedding. He told me I had been right to insist that they reconcile for that special day.</p><p>Maybe I wasn’t right at all. Once I discovered her ongoing financial and identity theft, I found out that the wedding expenses did not come out of my checking account. By that time, she had already stolen so much from that account that there were insufficient funds to pay them. Instead, unbeknownst to either her dad or I, she charged them to his checking account. In addition, once I obtained and analyzed all the relative bank statements, I discovered that <em>the day before the wedding</em> she made out a check to her fiance from my account for $950.00, she signed my name and put a happy face in the memo line. She also wrote herself a check from that same account for $200. That left my account empty.</p><p>Cedar, thank you again for your thoughtful response. There are many words of wisdom there that I will remember.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="jeanne in CA, post: 628983, member: 18036"] Cedar, thank you so very much for your thoughtful response. I appreciate so much the time you took and the insight you provided me with. In thinking of the term, "fog" I have to admit that it doesn't resonate for me at this point. I was certainly in a fog before when everything was happening and I couldn't see my way out of the morass. Once I discovered what had happened and who was responsible, it was like I stepped into a clearing with a crystalized view of everything. Granted, it was and continues to be devastating, but I could see CLEARLY for the first time in several years. Every question had an answer and the answers were all the same. Our daughter had done it all. The only question remaining today is why, and as time passes, even that seems less important. The psychiatrist I am consulting with told me I would go nuts trying to figure out the why, and I think he is right. Emotionally, I am simply numb, unable to feel much at all except a drive to continue this until whatever the right things happen, whatever they are. Perhaps then, I will feel whatever I need to feel. I believe you when you say by that time, I will be able to bear it. As you suggest, I will put the fear away for now, and have faith that I will be able to deal with eventually seeing her. I know exactly what you mean when you say it is a timeless place, that enables us to go on. For us, there are no options, but to go on. If not, she wins everything, and we are determined to keep that from happening. It is kind of like if you find yourself walking in the ocean with your pockets full of rocks, do you let the rocks carry you to the bottom, or do you unload the rocks? We are unloading the rocks. We are determined that the betrayal will not kill us. I take comfort in your words that she will survive and at some point, be grateful for the opportunity to start again. I believe the first, I have doubts about the second. I pray you are correct, for if so, not all is lost. Perhaps, you are correct, simply accepting what she has done, without making excuses for her and without hading from the truth no matter how ugly, is all I can expect from myself at this point. I am tremenously grateful that I finally discovered it all. Several times a week, I hear from the detective who is working so diligently on the case. Even he, with all his experience, finds it simply astounding. Here is another example: [B]The August 2, 2011 wedding-[/B] In July 2011, while our daughter, her dad and I were in PA, she informed me she was pregnant and she and her then fiance wanted to get married right away. They were engaged by that time so, although her dad and I were not happy about the timing of everything, we supported their decision. We had just closed on the house in PA and she and her dad were not speaking (that was another financial mess that she had been responsible for, the details are in one of the 23 reports I gave to the police) so this latest development didn’t help any. I was extremely upset about the financial and familial problems, the situation between her and her dad, and the additional stress associated with the pregnancy and upcoming nuptials. However, I knew that stressing out would not solve anything so I set about trying to fix things. As soon as we returned to CA I took her shopping for a wedding gown. I told her I wanted all the wedding expenses to come out of my checking account because her dad’s account was running low. We went gown shopping all over and finally found one that I thought her dad and I could afford. I remember paying for the gown with a check and actually standing at the register silently praying that the check would not bounce. As soon as she and I came back to our house she showed me a picture of a gown she saw in a magazine that had a beautiful bejeweled cummerbund. The cummerbund alone cost more than the dress I had just bought her. I told her I knew I could make that cummerbund myself if that was what she wanted. She said she did. I duplicated it almost exactly. The only significant difference was that instead of purchasing the jewels necessary to embellish the cummerbund, I embellished hers cummerbund with a beautiful vintage broach of my own and a matching necklace her dad had given me to wear with my mom’s gown when he and I got married. She told me she loved it. As for me, the mother of the bride, I decided to wear a dress I already owned rather than stress out about how I would pay for something new. As for the wedding itself, she and her fiance made all the arrangements for it take place in northern CA with only the very immediate family in attendance. Up until two days before the wedding, her dad and she were still not talking. She maintained that if her dad was still mad at her she would absolutely not have him walk her down the aisle. Her dad maintained that that was fine with him. I was sick to death of the antagonism and spoke to them each separately. I told them that they each needed to put their negative feelings aside and see this event for what it was, namely the opportunity for her dad to walk his daughter down the aisle and for her to have her father’s love and support as she married the man she loved. I told them that I believed that they if they did not, they would regret it the rest of their lives. I told them that the wedding would be forever tainted by the memory of her dad not being there with her. Eventually they both acquiesced. The day before the wedding I drove her to the wedding cite to make sure everything was in place. We spent the night. The next day she and I spent getting her ready. We have pictures of me fixing her hair, helping her into her gown, and generally doing what mothers of brides do. I thought she looked gorgeous. I was temporarily able to set aside my stress long enough to see her dad walk her down the aisle and be married. I was in tears, of course. Her dad and I took all the guests out to eat after the ceremony and then left for home. The newlyweds were spending the night there and and then driving to their honeymoon location the next day. On the drive back to our home, her dad and and I discussed what a good thing it was that he and she had declared a truce long enough for them to be together at her wedding. He told me I had been right to insist that they reconcile for that special day. Maybe I wasn’t right at all. Once I discovered her ongoing financial and identity theft, I found out that the wedding expenses did not come out of my checking account. By that time, she had already stolen so much from that account that there were insufficient funds to pay them. Instead, unbeknownst to either her dad or I, she charged them to his checking account. In addition, once I obtained and analyzed all the relative bank statements, I discovered that [I]the day before the wedding[/I] she made out a check to her fiance from my account for $950.00, she signed my name and put a happy face in the memo line. She also wrote herself a check from that same account for $200. That left my account empty. Cedar, thank you again for your thoughtful response. There are many words of wisdom there that I will remember. [/QUOTE]
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