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Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 607868" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>I can't add much to what these people have said. My son is 35 and probably a functional alcoholic/Xanax user (it's legal, but he takes too much. It doesn't even help him, but he withdraws without it). He is 35 going on maybe a challenged eight and is going through a custody battle for his son, the only thing in the world he loves and has no friends so he calls me several times a day to talk to me and sometimes I listen because otherwise I'm afraid he'll kill himself. If he gets too abusive, I hang up and put the phone on silent. He makes enough money at his job, but he is so mentally ill and this lawsuit is making it so much worse that it wouldn't shock me if he lost his job some day. He is not welcome to live with me ever again. He has made some scary threats such as "I will kill you. I mean it." I really don't think he is capable of that, but nobody thinks that about his/her kids. I won't take the chance as he has a really crazy temper when he is angry. I think he is one of those people who has the ability to kill somebody if he totally "lost it." </p><p></p><p>It is very hard not to actually listen to his swearing and cussing and blaming me because I know he is mentally ill and under enormous stress. I know how hard it is to detach. I am not strong enough a person to listen to that, even knowing it's the sickness talking. It makes MY mental health issues climb the walls. Fortunately (and I mean this) my husband and I are so short of money that he would not ask me for any money, but his father, my ex, is paying for this custody lawsuit that he is going to lose. So far ex is down about $30,000 if not more. I'm not even sure who my grandson would be better off with. Neither parent has done anything to make them legally "unfit" but both are horrible. </p><p></p><p>It is possible that my son could end up homeless one day if he loses his job. He spends all his spare money, which there isn't much of because of the child support and his compulsion for buying videogames and systsems. His dad will probably take him in if that ever happens. This is even though when he lived with his father last time, he would shove him and get physical. My ex is 66 and has had a chronic, serious illness since age 27 and weighs 100 lbs. right now. </p><p></p><p>I keep my mouth shut when people talk about their distinguished, successful 30-something kids. My son lives a few states away and is stuck there because his son is there and he won't leave his son. I live in a small town too and most people don't know this son exists. </p><p></p><p>I have started going to Al-Anon and, of late, revisited church, finding the fellowship of a small, friendly church and thinking about God again very helpful. I do not know if either would work for any of you, but I am able to feel somewhat peaceful with the help. My husband is also helpful. If you have anybody in your life that WILL listen without judgment, USE THEM. You would help them...your true loved ones will want to be there for you.</p><p></p><p>Hugs to all of you.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 607868, member: 1550"] I can't add much to what these people have said. My son is 35 and probably a functional alcoholic/Xanax user (it's legal, but he takes too much. It doesn't even help him, but he withdraws without it). He is 35 going on maybe a challenged eight and is going through a custody battle for his son, the only thing in the world he loves and has no friends so he calls me several times a day to talk to me and sometimes I listen because otherwise I'm afraid he'll kill himself. If he gets too abusive, I hang up and put the phone on silent. He makes enough money at his job, but he is so mentally ill and this lawsuit is making it so much worse that it wouldn't shock me if he lost his job some day. He is not welcome to live with me ever again. He has made some scary threats such as "I will kill you. I mean it." I really don't think he is capable of that, but nobody thinks that about his/her kids. I won't take the chance as he has a really crazy temper when he is angry. I think he is one of those people who has the ability to kill somebody if he totally "lost it." It is very hard not to actually listen to his swearing and cussing and blaming me because I know he is mentally ill and under enormous stress. I know how hard it is to detach. I am not strong enough a person to listen to that, even knowing it's the sickness talking. It makes MY mental health issues climb the walls. Fortunately (and I mean this) my husband and I are so short of money that he would not ask me for any money, but his father, my ex, is paying for this custody lawsuit that he is going to lose. So far ex is down about $30,000 if not more. I'm not even sure who my grandson would be better off with. Neither parent has done anything to make them legally "unfit" but both are horrible. It is possible that my son could end up homeless one day if he loses his job. He spends all his spare money, which there isn't much of because of the child support and his compulsion for buying videogames and systsems. His dad will probably take him in if that ever happens. This is even though when he lived with his father last time, he would shove him and get physical. My ex is 66 and has had a chronic, serious illness since age 27 and weighs 100 lbs. right now. I keep my mouth shut when people talk about their distinguished, successful 30-something kids. My son lives a few states away and is stuck there because his son is there and he won't leave his son. I live in a small town too and most people don't know this son exists. I have started going to Al-Anon and, of late, revisited church, finding the fellowship of a small, friendly church and thinking about God again very helpful. I do not know if either would work for any of you, but I am able to feel somewhat peaceful with the help. My husband is also helpful. If you have anybody in your life that WILL listen without judgment, USE THEM. You would help them...your true loved ones will want to be there for you. Hugs to all of you. [/QUOTE]
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