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Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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<blockquote data-quote="recoveringenabler" data-source="post: 730082" data-attributes="member: 13542"><p>Note-4u, welcome. You have responded to an old thread. It would be more beneficial for you if you copied your post here and started your own thread in Parent Emeritus.</p><p></p><p>I'm sorry you are going thru this with your step son. Many of us struggle with adult troubled kids who for whatever reason don't launch into adulthood. Most of us have come to the conclusion, after years of enabling, that "nothing changes if nothing changes".....your step son has not changed in the last 13 years, <em>so YOU and your wife need to change</em>. Our troubled kids usually do not take the initiative to do anything different until WE set strong boundaries and insist they take responsibility for their actions. Why should they change? They have all the benefits and advantages of others taking care of them and being responsible for them, it's quite the cushy deal. My advice to you is to supply your step son with a list of local shelters. Remember the adage, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity." You already know how this will turn out.</p><p></p><p>You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. You may find information and guidance in the book, Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. Many of us find a therapist to learn how to set boundaries, stop enabling, learn how to detach and allow our kids to suffer the consequences of their actions and ultimately how to accept what we can't change. If there is substance abuse, you may find comfort and support in 12 step groups such as Families anonymous, Al Alan or Narc Anon. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>It's helpful for us to NOT see our adult kids as "abandoned little boys".......that will increase guilt and remove any resolve to change.......your step son is a grown adult man, at 31 it is time to "man up" and be accountable for his actions. </p><p>I think it's time for your step son to take care of his own life.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="recoveringenabler, post: 730082, member: 13542"] Note-4u, welcome. You have responded to an old thread. It would be more beneficial for you if you copied your post here and started your own thread in Parent Emeritus. I'm sorry you are going thru this with your step son. Many of us struggle with adult troubled kids who for whatever reason don't launch into adulthood. Most of us have come to the conclusion, after years of enabling, that "nothing changes if nothing changes".....your step son has not changed in the last 13 years, [I]so YOU and your wife need to change[/I]. Our troubled kids usually do not take the initiative to do anything different until WE set strong boundaries and insist they take responsibility for their actions. Why should they change? They have all the benefits and advantages of others taking care of them and being responsible for them, it's quite the cushy deal. My advice to you is to supply your step son with a list of local shelters. Remember the adage, "doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results is the definition of insanity." You already know how this will turn out. You may want to read the article on detachment at the bottom of my post here. You may find information and guidance in the book, Codependent no more by Melodie Beattie. Many of us find a therapist to learn how to set boundaries, stop enabling, learn how to detach and allow our kids to suffer the consequences of their actions and ultimately how to accept what we can't change. If there is substance abuse, you may find comfort and support in 12 step groups such as Families anonymous, Al Alan or Narc Anon. It's helpful for us to NOT see our adult kids as "abandoned little boys".......that will increase guilt and remove any resolve to change.......your step son is a grown adult man, at 31 it is time to "man up" and be accountable for his actions. I think it's time for your step son to take care of his own life. [/QUOTE]
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Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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