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Parent Emeritus
Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 730084" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>If you read any of our stories you know this is common behavior in our adult kids who won't thrive and expect to be taken care of forever. Most have issues with substance abuse. The conventional wisdom is that a 31 year old needs to live on his own and work and that second and third chances don't do any good. They don't make good their promises as you know. Why on Earth would he change now? He hasn't. And he knows he can manipulate his mother.</p><p></p><p>Words are cheap and easy and meaningless. Only actions matter. Has your son shown signs yet of being different or is this just talk?</p><p></p><p>My opinion is he is too old to live at home with you. He is not anyone's little boy at his age. Don't think of him as one. It hurts us to do that. It hurts them too. If he is able bodied there is no reason he can't get a job. </p><p></p><p> Many of us have had to see our adults homeless...it can motivate them though. My daughter quit drugs almost right away and got productive and still is 14 years later. She was 19 when we had to make her leave for drug use and now she is 34 and thriving. It broke my heart to do this but she wouldn't get help and we had two littles who were afraid of her.</p><p></p><p>There are shelters and plenty of food pantries and soup kitchens. It is hard to do this....bringing him home may be even worse. It sounds like he has worn out his welcome with the other relatives so he must have a history.</p><p></p><p>.Others will come along with their own experiences. I am sorry you had to come here but glad you found us. Maybe your wife wants to read some of these stories. Do you have other kids?</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 730084, member: 1550"] If you read any of our stories you know this is common behavior in our adult kids who won't thrive and expect to be taken care of forever. Most have issues with substance abuse. The conventional wisdom is that a 31 year old needs to live on his own and work and that second and third chances don't do any good. They don't make good their promises as you know. Why on Earth would he change now? He hasn't. And he knows he can manipulate his mother. Words are cheap and easy and meaningless. Only actions matter. Has your son shown signs yet of being different or is this just talk? My opinion is he is too old to live at home with you. He is not anyone's little boy at his age. Don't think of him as one. It hurts us to do that. It hurts them too. If he is able bodied there is no reason he can't get a job. Many of us have had to see our adults homeless...it can motivate them though. My daughter quit drugs almost right away and got productive and still is 14 years later. She was 19 when we had to make her leave for drug use and now she is 34 and thriving. It broke my heart to do this but she wouldn't get help and we had two littles who were afraid of her. There are shelters and plenty of food pantries and soup kitchens. It is hard to do this....bringing him home may be even worse. It sounds like he has worn out his welcome with the other relatives so he must have a history. .Others will come along with their own experiences. I am sorry you had to come here but glad you found us. Maybe your wife wants to read some of these stories. Do you have other kids? [/QUOTE]
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Adult son 33 is homeless, Im Mom, 57, trying so hard to detach, not enable...
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