Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Adult son back in jail for the nth time
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="detachingmother" data-source="post: 680088" data-attributes="member: 20063"><p>I would have loved to see this type of lengthy sentence come down. I'm in Michigan. They rarely dole out an offer for more than 90 days here. Unreal to me that she didn't take that. How can someone love drugs more than life itself. I will never understand. Son did get an option...9 months total in jail, or 4 months jail and treatment in sheriffs program in county jail/90 days inpatient treatment. He knew if he wanted to be part of the family he had to take the latter option. He chose wisely, thank God. Not holding my breath either. He's always "good" when he's clean and sober for a few days and when he's back on his medications, which he now is.</p><p></p><p>Michigan. They do have "good time" here too...not sure how prison will work, but county definitely does, and Son has that all figured out. He told me even if he gets 4 years in State Prison, he will only do 18 months, so it seems he has it figured out too, like your sister has figured out the system. </p><p></p><p>I'm not used to this county he's in now, as before it took awhile to become a trustee, but he's a trustee rather fast this time, and has a job.</p><p></p><p>Oddly, and I didn't expect this, but he said this to me today, "Mom please do NOT put phone money in the account, and if you do please limit it to $10 a week. I cannot control myself from calling my girlfriend and..." basically harassing her and accusing her of cheating. I was somewhat thrown off, because he is aware that he cannot control himself and wants to not be a pain in the rear to her. He asked me this the other day, in a different way, but today he was adamant that I not put money in account. OK, cool, I won't.</p><p></p><p>This is great how you do this. When I was much younger, now that I think of it, I did take one of my sister's daughters for awhile. She was very abusive to this one daughter, moreso than the others and she asked to live with me. My sis never had any lengthy jail stay, just short stints, but she was abusive to this one child. If sis had gone to jail for a long period, I would have helped with her kids too, but fortunately her ex did a good job raising them and helping to keep them protected. Sis's story is a little different in that she has always had CPS involved too, and they go into her home constantly. She was almost put in a group home, involuntarily, so she straightened up enough to prevent that. She also has social workers in her home on a weekly basis and when she's in downslide or medications quit working or she quits taking them and goes back to cocaine or other substances, social workers and aides come daily. It's almost like adult foster care, but she's in her own home, a home her oldest daughter gave her and charges her very cheap rent. Last I knew anyway. She did some terrible things so I just don't talk to her and all but one of her kids is grown. So I stay away, and have a long distance relationship with only two of her girls. But I really don't talk to them much either...too many emotional scars and hard to deal with it.</p><p></p><p>I am warming up fast to the idea of having grandbaby in my life. I have been talking to Son's girlfriend quite a bit. She's actually a sweet girl, and I feel like she will be a good mother. I have to say most of the problem is Son's behavior. When he's in jail, she's very tolerable. I am starting to see where this can work. Her biggest problem is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and she's been in therapy now for about 9 weeks. She's off medications, and doing pretty good. There's promise in this....and, she's totally working an "intervention" with Son too, which I respect. Same as my intervention. If he doesn't do treatment, stay on medications, no girlfriend, no baby other than supervised visits through court, and no mom or immediate family. She talked to him today, he got snippy, she told him respect her or she's hanging up. She had to hang up on him. Was proud of her. He cannot disrespect people or he's done until he can respect. </p><p></p><p>I think for me right now, the hardest part is not knowing what the future holds. We will know nothing about the felony probation violation now until September or so. So, this prevents follow-up treatment, if he goes right to prison after he gets out of 90 day program. I know I shouldn't do all that I do, but I cannot help trying to help him plan. Once a plan is in place, he can then get back to his medications, building his business, and being a father and family member. I don't know.</p><p></p><p>I guess Son told me in his own way that I enable his bad behavior, as indicated above about him asking me not to put money in his account. This is how I took it. He just didn't know what to call it....enabling.</p><p></p><p>Thanks for your advice, Sister's Keeper. I do appreciate it all.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="detachingmother, post: 680088, member: 20063"] I would have loved to see this type of lengthy sentence come down. I'm in Michigan. They rarely dole out an offer for more than 90 days here. Unreal to me that she didn't take that. How can someone love drugs more than life itself. I will never understand. Son did get an option...9 months total in jail, or 4 months jail and treatment in sheriffs program in county jail/90 days inpatient treatment. He knew if he wanted to be part of the family he had to take the latter option. He chose wisely, thank God. Not holding my breath either. He's always "good" when he's clean and sober for a few days and when he's back on his medications, which he now is. Michigan. They do have "good time" here too...not sure how prison will work, but county definitely does, and Son has that all figured out. He told me even if he gets 4 years in State Prison, he will only do 18 months, so it seems he has it figured out too, like your sister has figured out the system. I'm not used to this county he's in now, as before it took awhile to become a trustee, but he's a trustee rather fast this time, and has a job. Oddly, and I didn't expect this, but he said this to me today, "Mom please do NOT put phone money in the account, and if you do please limit it to $10 a week. I cannot control myself from calling my girlfriend and..." basically harassing her and accusing her of cheating. I was somewhat thrown off, because he is aware that he cannot control himself and wants to not be a pain in the rear to her. He asked me this the other day, in a different way, but today he was adamant that I not put money in account. OK, cool, I won't. This is great how you do this. When I was much younger, now that I think of it, I did take one of my sister's daughters for awhile. She was very abusive to this one daughter, moreso than the others and she asked to live with me. My sis never had any lengthy jail stay, just short stints, but she was abusive to this one child. If sis had gone to jail for a long period, I would have helped with her kids too, but fortunately her ex did a good job raising them and helping to keep them protected. Sis's story is a little different in that she has always had CPS involved too, and they go into her home constantly. She was almost put in a group home, involuntarily, so she straightened up enough to prevent that. She also has social workers in her home on a weekly basis and when she's in downslide or medications quit working or she quits taking them and goes back to cocaine or other substances, social workers and aides come daily. It's almost like adult foster care, but she's in her own home, a home her oldest daughter gave her and charges her very cheap rent. Last I knew anyway. She did some terrible things so I just don't talk to her and all but one of her kids is grown. So I stay away, and have a long distance relationship with only two of her girls. But I really don't talk to them much either...too many emotional scars and hard to deal with it. I am warming up fast to the idea of having grandbaby in my life. I have been talking to Son's girlfriend quite a bit. She's actually a sweet girl, and I feel like she will be a good mother. I have to say most of the problem is Son's behavior. When he's in jail, she's very tolerable. I am starting to see where this can work. Her biggest problem is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), and she's been in therapy now for about 9 weeks. She's off medications, and doing pretty good. There's promise in this....and, she's totally working an "intervention" with Son too, which I respect. Same as my intervention. If he doesn't do treatment, stay on medications, no girlfriend, no baby other than supervised visits through court, and no mom or immediate family. She talked to him today, he got snippy, she told him respect her or she's hanging up. She had to hang up on him. Was proud of her. He cannot disrespect people or he's done until he can respect. I think for me right now, the hardest part is not knowing what the future holds. We will know nothing about the felony probation violation now until September or so. So, this prevents follow-up treatment, if he goes right to prison after he gets out of 90 day program. I know I shouldn't do all that I do, but I cannot help trying to help him plan. Once a plan is in place, he can then get back to his medications, building his business, and being a father and family member. I don't know. I guess Son told me in his own way that I enable his bad behavior, as indicated above about him asking me not to put money in his account. This is how I took it. He just didn't know what to call it....enabling. Thanks for your advice, Sister's Keeper. I do appreciate it all. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Adult son back in jail for the nth time
Top