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<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 609381" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>The problem is your daughter, not you. The situation is not improving because of her, not because of anything you can do. Because there is nothing you can do. Nothing. She is causing every bad things that has happened to her.</p><p></p><p> She is of age and is choosing not to be medication compliant and to make a mess of her life. I suspect drug abuse of some sort which is where the stealing can come in...nothing corrupts morals faster than drug use. Everything one is taught goes out the window with drug use. Could with overuse of alcohol too, which by the way is also a drug.</p><p></p><p>You need and deserve to have a peaceful life and money for your retirement that you have not spent on an adult child who doesn't even use it the way you want her to. I personally think you shouldn't give her any more money for anything and let her couch surf. Our grown kids tend to find places to live and people to put them up for the short term, until, due to THEIR OWN BEHAVIOR, they suddenly are no longer welcomed. Few are actually on the streets, but, if they are, it is due to their lifestyle choices that they won't change. Some of our grown kids don't like shelters because you get tossed out if they suspect or see you drug abusing. They actually prefer the car or the street. And, by the way, no, I wouldn't buy her a car. She stole one, totaled it, and you are on the hook for it. She should be. I wouldn't buy her anything. </p><p></p><p>Our rules go like this: You can live here, Adult Child, as long as you show respect, work, and contribute to the house. So far none of my grown kids have come home, but if they got into a bind we'd be fine with it as long as they understood the rules. And that we aren't going to support them, as they can do that themselves. </p><p></p><p>If you want to put the money down on a rental for her, you certainly can. Many parents do. Usually the grown kids blows the opportunity for a place of his/her own. We can not save, change, talk to or help our adult kids. Being of age, THEY have to be the ones willing and eager to change or they won't and we'll just keep on being their victims. </p><p></p><p>I suggest you hold fast to your daughter needing to leave and, in the meantime, take time to concentrate on yourself and your loved ones who are good to you. Sometimes we put so much into these grown kids who can't get it together that we forget to enjoy our other kids or other family and friends who treat us well and appreciate us. Most of all we forget to be nice to ourselves and stop going to places we like and doing things we enjoy because we are too consumed by our adult child's issues to think about ourselves. </p><p></p><p></p><p></p><p>Your daughter knows how to pull at your Mommy Heart. We all know how that goes. Most of us are in Detachment Mode. It's not easy and you may need therapy to help you get there, but it's worth it. If your daughter is a substance abuser of any kind, I'd find an AA or NA group for real life, real time support. You don't have to speak if you go there, but you can listen and learn a lot about how to survive and thrive while your adult child implodes because of his issues/behaviors. Don't let this daughter destroy your marriage, your other relationships, or your ability to have a rich, fulfulling life.</p><p></p><p>Sorry that you are being put through so much by your daughter and hope you can learn to detach from her. Others will come along <img src="data:image/gif;base64,R0lGODlhAQABAIAAAAAAAP///yH5BAEAAAAALAAAAAABAAEAAAIBRAA7" class="smilie smilie--sprite smilie--sprite1" alt=":)" title="Smile :)" loading="lazy" data-shortname=":)" /></p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 609381, member: 1550"] The problem is your daughter, not you. The situation is not improving because of her, not because of anything you can do. Because there is nothing you can do. Nothing. She is causing every bad things that has happened to her. She is of age and is choosing not to be medication compliant and to make a mess of her life. I suspect drug abuse of some sort which is where the stealing can come in...nothing corrupts morals faster than drug use. Everything one is taught goes out the window with drug use. Could with overuse of alcohol too, which by the way is also a drug. You need and deserve to have a peaceful life and money for your retirement that you have not spent on an adult child who doesn't even use it the way you want her to. I personally think you shouldn't give her any more money for anything and let her couch surf. Our grown kids tend to find places to live and people to put them up for the short term, until, due to THEIR OWN BEHAVIOR, they suddenly are no longer welcomed. Few are actually on the streets, but, if they are, it is due to their lifestyle choices that they won't change. Some of our grown kids don't like shelters because you get tossed out if they suspect or see you drug abusing. They actually prefer the car or the street. And, by the way, no, I wouldn't buy her a car. She stole one, totaled it, and you are on the hook for it. She should be. I wouldn't buy her anything. Our rules go like this: You can live here, Adult Child, as long as you show respect, work, and contribute to the house. So far none of my grown kids have come home, but if they got into a bind we'd be fine with it as long as they understood the rules. And that we aren't going to support them, as they can do that themselves. If you want to put the money down on a rental for her, you certainly can. Many parents do. Usually the grown kids blows the opportunity for a place of his/her own. We can not save, change, talk to or help our adult kids. Being of age, THEY have to be the ones willing and eager to change or they won't and we'll just keep on being their victims. I suggest you hold fast to your daughter needing to leave and, in the meantime, take time to concentrate on yourself and your loved ones who are good to you. Sometimes we put so much into these grown kids who can't get it together that we forget to enjoy our other kids or other family and friends who treat us well and appreciate us. Most of all we forget to be nice to ourselves and stop going to places we like and doing things we enjoy because we are too consumed by our adult child's issues to think about ourselves. Your daughter knows how to pull at your Mommy Heart. We all know how that goes. Most of us are in Detachment Mode. It's not easy and you may need therapy to help you get there, but it's worth it. If your daughter is a substance abuser of any kind, I'd find an AA or NA group for real life, real time support. You don't have to speak if you go there, but you can listen and learn a lot about how to survive and thrive while your adult child implodes because of his issues/behaviors. Don't let this daughter destroy your marriage, your other relationships, or your ability to have a rich, fulfulling life. Sorry that you are being put through so much by your daughter and hope you can learn to detach from her. Others will come along :) [/QUOTE]
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