Forums
New posts
Search forums
What's new
New posts
New profile posts
Latest activity
Internet Search
Members
Current visitors
New profile posts
Search profile posts
Log in
Register
What's new
Search
Search
Search titles only
By:
New posts
Search forums
Menu
Log in
Register
Install the app
Install
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Advice needed
JavaScript is disabled. For a better experience, please enable JavaScript in your browser before proceeding.
You are using an out of date browser. It may not display this or other websites correctly.
You should upgrade or use an
alternative browser
.
Reply to thread
Message
<blockquote data-quote="BusynMember" data-source="post: 609404" data-attributes="member: 1550"><p>RE gave great advice. </p><p></p><p>Don't count on your daughter deciding to change in order to get the car either, but don't give her a car to get back and forth to work or looking for a job. If she really wants a job she will find a way to get there. When my drug using daughter finally wanted to change, she had no car. We don't buy cars for our kids and she had totaled her car which her brother bought her (big mistake...well, he learned). So what she did, since she was highly motivated to change, was to find a nearby job to her brother's house because she was living there under very strict rules and one rule was that she had to work. She walked to and from work.Funny, she knew her brother wouldn't waffle like me. When he said he'd kick her out in the streets if she broke any of his rules, she was positive he meant it, so she was willing to do a bunch of stuff we'd asked her to do which she had been unwilling to do for us. She even quit smoking cigarettes. It is ten years later and she really straightened out. Keeping her at our house would not have helped her.</p><p></p><p>Chances are, if you got your daughter a car, in her frame of mind, it would not be used to look for a job. I think you know that. It is hard to give up the wishful thinking, but recently I have had to face the fact that I have one grown child who will NEVER change. He is 35 and the one who can never live with me. </p><p></p><p>Therapy helps us face the truth about our grown children. Most of them are not really very nice people. Heck, if my 35 year old son wasn't my son, I wouldn't want to know him!!! I give him very limited time, even though all we have is phone contact since thankfully he lives several states away.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="BusynMember, post: 609404, member: 1550"] RE gave great advice. Don't count on your daughter deciding to change in order to get the car either, but don't give her a car to get back and forth to work or looking for a job. If she really wants a job she will find a way to get there. When my drug using daughter finally wanted to change, she had no car. We don't buy cars for our kids and she had totaled her car which her brother bought her (big mistake...well, he learned). So what she did, since she was highly motivated to change, was to find a nearby job to her brother's house because she was living there under very strict rules and one rule was that she had to work. She walked to and from work.Funny, she knew her brother wouldn't waffle like me. When he said he'd kick her out in the streets if she broke any of his rules, she was positive he meant it, so she was willing to do a bunch of stuff we'd asked her to do which she had been unwilling to do for us. She even quit smoking cigarettes. It is ten years later and she really straightened out. Keeping her at our house would not have helped her. Chances are, if you got your daughter a car, in her frame of mind, it would not be used to look for a job. I think you know that. It is hard to give up the wishful thinking, but recently I have had to face the fact that I have one grown child who will NEVER change. He is 35 and the one who can never live with me. Therapy helps us face the truth about our grown children. Most of them are not really very nice people. Heck, if my 35 year old son wasn't my son, I wouldn't want to know him!!! I give him very limited time, even though all we have is phone contact since thankfully he lives several states away. [/QUOTE]
Insert quotes…
Verification
Post reply
Forums
Parent Support Forums
Parent Emeritus
Advice needed
Top