Rush,
I don't have much advice to offer. I guess you can try a contract...pick 10 rules, maybe 5 "musts" and 5 "must nots" that matter to you a lot. You can include that she must wash her sheets once a week, that she cannot have food in her room, that she must contribute some fixed amount of money to the food bill, whatever works for you. You and she can initial every line, and make a copy. Then, if she breaks a rule, she has to leave. At least everything is clear then, and it doesn't boil down to "this is mean , you aren't fair". It is simply the rules of the house...like em and stay, hate em and leave.. her choice.
My son used to eat food all over house and leave sticky messes and rotten food for us to find. It became a huge bone of contention. Sometimes he would hide the dirty plates and leftovers under chairs or in drawers.. we would find tem randomly, or when they smell. We sometimes terminated visits home for that alone. He either couldnt or wouldnt stop. In the end it didnt matter, I refused to put up with it.
Having to hide or lock up your food is not OK. I know you know that. You are right tat something has to change, and that can only start with you.
Just a thought..is she giving food to friends or selling it? Seems like she consumes a lot. Is she on medications that make her appetite uncontrollable?
