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Advice on my 30 year old son
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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 747760" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>Welcome Worried. In these two sentences you have summarized this whole forum: Almost all of us begin here (and many of us, like me stay here.) The thing is, they are adults. We do not have the power to solve their problems anymore. Not at 20. Not at 25. Not at 30. They have to find ways and motivation to live their own life and if their problems are so severe and intractable they can't do it themselves, they need to find community support and assistance. We as their parents are not equipped to solve their problems, but we try.</p><p>This is the thing that keeps us stuck. We are miserable either way. Damned if we do and damned if we don't. If We hold the line, identify and maintain barriers, we have the fear and anxiety and the broken heart. If we don't and we keep on paying for this and that, giving them lodging, bailing them out, we have to face that we are enabling their toxic, dysfunction, self-limiting lifestyle. There is no choice that makes the pain go away completely. It is one day at a time.</p><p></p><p>I hope you stay for a while and post. It helps. Take care.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 747760, member: 18958"] Welcome Worried. In these two sentences you have summarized this whole forum: Almost all of us begin here (and many of us, like me stay here.) The thing is, they are adults. We do not have the power to solve their problems anymore. Not at 20. Not at 25. Not at 30. They have to find ways and motivation to live their own life and if their problems are so severe and intractable they can't do it themselves, they need to find community support and assistance. We as their parents are not equipped to solve their problems, but we try. This is the thing that keeps us stuck. We are miserable either way. Damned if we do and damned if we don't. If We hold the line, identify and maintain barriers, we have the fear and anxiety and the broken heart. If we don't and we keep on paying for this and that, giving them lodging, bailing them out, we have to face that we are enabling their toxic, dysfunction, self-limiting lifestyle. There is no choice that makes the pain go away completely. It is one day at a time. I hope you stay for a while and post. It helps. Take care. [/QUOTE]
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Advice on my 30 year old son
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