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Advice sought for difficult child who is going out of his way to be disrespectful and hateful.
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<blockquote data-quote="slsh" data-source="post: 559678" data-attributes="member: 8"><p>You wouldn't put up with this kind of behavior from any other adult - don't do it with- your adult child. It is *your* home, and he no longer lives there by virtue of his choices. I'd put a stop to the weekly visits to pick up stuff. If he wants something, and you're willing to let him have it, tell him he can pick it up on the front porch on Xday at X:00 (your convenience, and it saves Dad the task of having to make sure your son doesn't abscond with XYZ). Better yet, I'd ask for a final list of things he wants and again, if you're willing, set it out for him and then have that be the end of it. You're not a department store for surly patrons.</p><p></p><p>in my humble opinion, being in my home after age 18 is a privilege, not a right. That includes visits. My difficult child knew/knows that I will toss him out of the house in a heartbeat if he gets disrespectful. been there done that for most of his childhood - I have earned the right to not have to deal with it from him as an adult. And he toes the line, without fail - even when he was living on his own, when he came back for the rare visit, he was 100% appropriate.</p><p></p><p>It's amazing what living on their own/with others can do for their attitudes. My difficult child doesn't like all my rules, but after 2 years out on his own, he's developed an appreciation for the comforts of my home. </p><p></p><p>I think as long as there's a revolving door, where your son can come over whenever to "pick up something" while taking the opportunity to treat you horribly, it's going to continue.</p><p></p><p>It's interesting to redefine the parent/child relationship, especially with- an adult difficult child. While I absolutely checked his myspace and facebook pages multiple times a day (obsessively??) when he was on his own, I gradually was able to start letting go, mainly because the garbage I read on there was just making me ill. Do I *really* need to know this stuff when there's nothing I can do about it? For me, I finally was able to decide I just don't want to know. I'm much more at peace that way. </p><p></p><p>It is a really tough transition, but I think it's really important to set boundaries and stick to them. Hopefully, like my difficult child, yours will eventually realize that you are *not* the cause of all that is wrong in his world and should be treated decently (at the very least).</p><p></p><p>Hang in there.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="slsh, post: 559678, member: 8"] You wouldn't put up with this kind of behavior from any other adult - don't do it with- your adult child. It is *your* home, and he no longer lives there by virtue of his choices. I'd put a stop to the weekly visits to pick up stuff. If he wants something, and you're willing to let him have it, tell him he can pick it up on the front porch on Xday at X:00 (your convenience, and it saves Dad the task of having to make sure your son doesn't abscond with XYZ). Better yet, I'd ask for a final list of things he wants and again, if you're willing, set it out for him and then have that be the end of it. You're not a department store for surly patrons. in my humble opinion, being in my home after age 18 is a privilege, not a right. That includes visits. My difficult child knew/knows that I will toss him out of the house in a heartbeat if he gets disrespectful. been there done that for most of his childhood - I have earned the right to not have to deal with it from him as an adult. And he toes the line, without fail - even when he was living on his own, when he came back for the rare visit, he was 100% appropriate. It's amazing what living on their own/with others can do for their attitudes. My difficult child doesn't like all my rules, but after 2 years out on his own, he's developed an appreciation for the comforts of my home. I think as long as there's a revolving door, where your son can come over whenever to "pick up something" while taking the opportunity to treat you horribly, it's going to continue. It's interesting to redefine the parent/child relationship, especially with- an adult difficult child. While I absolutely checked his myspace and facebook pages multiple times a day (obsessively??) when he was on his own, I gradually was able to start letting go, mainly because the garbage I read on there was just making me ill. Do I *really* need to know this stuff when there's nothing I can do about it? For me, I finally was able to decide I just don't want to know. I'm much more at peace that way. It is a really tough transition, but I think it's really important to set boundaries and stick to them. Hopefully, like my difficult child, yours will eventually realize that you are *not* the cause of all that is wrong in his world and should be treated decently (at the very least). Hang in there. [/QUOTE]
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Advice sought for difficult child who is going out of his way to be disrespectful and hateful.
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