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<blockquote data-quote="New Leaf" data-source="post: 700391" data-attributes="member: 19522"><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/2012/furious.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":furious:" title="furious :furious:" data-shortname=":furious:" />Albie, dear sweet Albie, I am sorry for this........it is a sad fact that our beloveds struggle with their lives and choices and seem to have nary a thought or care that what they do or say affects us so.</p><p> So true and wise.</p><p></p><p> It certainly seems calculated and in reading your first few posts on this thread, son is good (like most of our d cs) at ramping it up to get a reaction and response.</p><p>What I have learned is that my kids change their minds and stories on a dime, while I fret and worry over the latest news, they are off to the next thing.</p><p>Take a deep breath, go for a walk, do something kind for yourself.</p><p></p><p> So true, for all of us. Time to heal. Our kids will do what they will do. No matter what our reaction, they will live as they choose. The level of drama is mind boggling and heart wrenching.</p><p>I have found, especially of late, that in order to preserve my own sanity, <em>I just can't go there anymore.</em> It is too, too hard and stressful. So, I am working on moving towards acceptance that this is the life of<em> their choosing,</em> and when they tire of it, hopefully they will choose differently. The only thing I have control of is my reaction.</p><p> Well, Steinbeck was a Noble Peace prize winner, so I say "Go for it!!!!!"</p><p>Grab on to the positives in his messages and reinforce that. Mostly, with yourself.</p><p>I am reminded of Copa's decision to end conversation with her son when he would say things that he knew upset her. He wouldn't set boundaries, so she did.</p><p>I think that is key.</p><p>Draw the line.</p><p>Then try to work on drawing the line with yourself, how far and deep you go with worry. I know it's hard, but the reality is that it does not make a difference in the choices our kids make, the emotional catastrophe <em>we go through</em>.</p><p> Me neither, so I <em>don't</em>. I am on emotional overload with Hubs passing. So, I am going day by day, working, taking mental trips to Machu Picchu, and building up my drama armor. I have declared my house a "no drama zone". I am in a "how dare you?" mode. I would never do or say such things to cause my mom this amount of grief.</p><p></p><p> I am angry at them, too. It is a chickenxxxx way to respond to love. Uck.</p><p> Oh, Alb, what nonsense. It's just plain cruel.</p><p>If you are not mad at him for this, I sure as heck am.</p><p><img src="/community/styles/default/xenforo/smilies/Graemlins/919Mad.gif" class="smilie" loading="lazy" alt=":919Mad:" title="Mad :919Mad:" data-shortname=":919Mad:" /></p><p></p><p>(((HUGS)))</p><p>Leafy</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="New Leaf, post: 700391, member: 19522"] :furious:Albie, dear sweet Albie, I am sorry for this........it is a sad fact that our beloveds struggle with their lives and choices and seem to have nary a thought or care that what they do or say affects us so. So true and wise. It certainly seems calculated and in reading your first few posts on this thread, son is good (like most of our d cs) at ramping it up to get a reaction and response. What I have learned is that my kids change their minds and stories on a dime, while I fret and worry over the latest news, they are off to the next thing. Take a deep breath, go for a walk, do something kind for yourself. So true, for all of us. Time to heal. Our kids will do what they will do. No matter what our reaction, they will live as they choose. The level of drama is mind boggling and heart wrenching. I have found, especially of late, that in order to preserve my own sanity, [I]I just can't go there anymore.[/I] It is too, too hard and stressful. So, I am working on moving towards acceptance that this is the life of[I] their choosing,[/I] and when they tire of it, hopefully they will choose differently. The only thing I have control of is my reaction. Well, Steinbeck was a Noble Peace prize winner, so I say "Go for it!!!!!" Grab on to the positives in his messages and reinforce that. Mostly, with yourself. I am reminded of Copa's decision to end conversation with her son when he would say things that he knew upset her. He wouldn't set boundaries, so she did. I think that is key. Draw the line. Then try to work on drawing the line with yourself, how far and deep you go with worry. I know it's hard, but the reality is that it does not make a difference in the choices our kids make, the emotional catastrophe [I]we go through[/I]. Me neither, so I [I]don't[/I]. I am on emotional overload with Hubs passing. So, I am going day by day, working, taking mental trips to Machu Picchu, and building up my drama armor. I have declared my house a "no drama zone". I am in a "how dare you?" mode. I would never do or say such things to cause my mom this amount of grief. I am angry at them, too. It is a chickenxxxx way to respond to love. Uck. Oh, Alb, what nonsense. It's just plain cruel. If you are not mad at him for this, I sure as heck am. :919Mad: (((HUGS))) Leafy [/QUOTE]
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