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<blockquote data-quote="Copabanana" data-source="post: 680208" data-attributes="member: 18958"><p>continued</p><p></p><p>my post posted itself!</p><p></p><p>his son was executed for murder. he and his wife never deserted him, paying millions to defend him until the end. it is said that the father's view of life and art itself was irrevocably changed by the experience of his son.</p><p></p><p>we would want a father such as this, fighting and committing until the end to the life of his child. that jacob did not, for Joseph, believe in him until death and afterwards, say something that reflects are on wish, if not reality? is this the criterion against which we hold our own parents? Is it just? More importantly do we sell ourselves short expecting something which joseph seemed to not need or require?</p><p></p><p>because after all, joseph, had himself. his standard, his referent point was always internal. it could be absolute, because the measure was always himself for himself. </p><p></p><p>I am thinking of columba bush. what a great model she is for me. i read that her idea of a great day is to be in her own home cooking, with maybe an hour to watch a telenovela. she wants her husband at home and she wants her children safe. how i wish that my life had offered me this! I think I would rather to have been columba than hillary. what is it that pushes me to declare this, which to some extent negates my own life, and how it was lived. (columba had an abusive father and has a daughter who was addicted to drugs and continues fragile. what courage she has had to love her family and husband, and to risk their exposure and her own, when nothing in her requires it. these subordinations of self-interest for love, and the decisions, the choices for the good, even in circumstances that call for blame and abandonment of self and others, from fear of taking responsibility...that we not believe in good and strength (our own.) again, joseph models this for us.</p><p></p><p>I think it is back to internal vs external locus of control. which joseph never lost. every day, every circumstance, he challenged himself to remember and to act from who he was and what he needed; what he required himself to be. I have been thinking a lot about that. because i have been thinking about practices of integrity and well-being, in a way that I have never before done. so, what comes up for me is this: if i had had an internal locus of control 45 years ago, what would I have done with my life?</p><p></p><p>because i only got to where i am now by negatively comparing myself to other people and circumstances, and by achieving things to compensate for ways i found myself to be lacking. so I am confused. because i wonder if i had remembered as did joseph, that i was powerful and not a slave, would i not have forfeited the very impetus i did have to become strong in the world?</p><p></p><p>you see, my whole adult life to have anything at all, I felt i had to deny and diminish myself, with the other hand. I have no experience of strength without self-denial. and it is in this, that joseph models another way.</p><p></p><p>he achieved based upon affirmations only. not self-deception, for him. reality based upon seeing himself and others as human. not more or less. deserving everything not because they were more than, but because they were true and real. so it is this practice that i want to emulate. but first i need to understand it. how to be in the world onto myself. wanting because i am enough and complete. not because i am less than and deficient. to not hear the sirens' song within myself, of negativity. that i am undeserving. because really it never ever had anything to do with anybody except for joseph. the perceived limitations, actions or attitudes of his siblings or his parent, only had power in him or over him if he bought in, within himself.</p></blockquote><p></p>
[QUOTE="Copabanana, post: 680208, member: 18958"] continued my post posted itself! his son was executed for murder. he and his wife never deserted him, paying millions to defend him until the end. it is said that the father's view of life and art itself was irrevocably changed by the experience of his son. we would want a father such as this, fighting and committing until the end to the life of his child. that jacob did not, for Joseph, believe in him until death and afterwards, say something that reflects are on wish, if not reality? is this the criterion against which we hold our own parents? Is it just? More importantly do we sell ourselves short expecting something which joseph seemed to not need or require? because after all, joseph, had himself. his standard, his referent point was always internal. it could be absolute, because the measure was always himself for himself. I am thinking of columba bush. what a great model she is for me. i read that her idea of a great day is to be in her own home cooking, with maybe an hour to watch a telenovela. she wants her husband at home and she wants her children safe. how i wish that my life had offered me this! I think I would rather to have been columba than hillary. what is it that pushes me to declare this, which to some extent negates my own life, and how it was lived. (columba had an abusive father and has a daughter who was addicted to drugs and continues fragile. what courage she has had to love her family and husband, and to risk their exposure and her own, when nothing in her requires it. these subordinations of self-interest for love, and the decisions, the choices for the good, even in circumstances that call for blame and abandonment of self and others, from fear of taking responsibility...that we not believe in good and strength (our own.) again, joseph models this for us. I think it is back to internal vs external locus of control. which joseph never lost. every day, every circumstance, he challenged himself to remember and to act from who he was and what he needed; what he required himself to be. I have been thinking a lot about that. because i have been thinking about practices of integrity and well-being, in a way that I have never before done. so, what comes up for me is this: if i had had an internal locus of control 45 years ago, what would I have done with my life? because i only got to where i am now by negatively comparing myself to other people and circumstances, and by achieving things to compensate for ways i found myself to be lacking. so I am confused. because i wonder if i had remembered as did joseph, that i was powerful and not a slave, would i not have forfeited the very impetus i did have to become strong in the world? you see, my whole adult life to have anything at all, I felt i had to deny and diminish myself, with the other hand. I have no experience of strength without self-denial. and it is in this, that joseph models another way. he achieved based upon affirmations only. not self-deception, for him. reality based upon seeing himself and others as human. not more or less. deserving everything not because they were more than, but because they were true and real. so it is this practice that i want to emulate. but first i need to understand it. how to be in the world onto myself. wanting because i am enough and complete. not because i am less than and deficient. to not hear the sirens' song within myself, of negativity. that i am undeserving. because really it never ever had anything to do with anybody except for joseph. the perceived limitations, actions or attitudes of his siblings or his parent, only had power in him or over him if he bought in, within himself. [/QUOTE]
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